OR
by Shiranui-V
Summary: They're not ninjas. They're surgeons. Eventual SasuNaruSasu, ShikaNejiShika, KakaIru, GenRaiGen, ShinoKibaShino, ZabuHaku, ChoujiIno, GaaraSaiGaara, LeeSakura, hints of TenTemari.
1. Pilot Episode

WARNINGS: (1) None of the authors have ever or ever will be studying medical science. All medical aspects of this fiction are based entirely on the authors' half-assed research and bullshitting. Input in this matter is very much welcomed, but flames are futile. (2) In the instances where you find the crack lame, the authors' suggest you laugh at the authors' lameness instead -- like the authors did when writing said lame crack. (3) The risk of sudden, random exposures to 80s rock songs in this fic is high, precaution is recommended. (4) References to classic movie and/or TV moments are not indicative towards the authors' age.

A/N:

When a person is sleep deprived after three days and nights of writing articles to catch a deadline, that person tend to go slightly insane and write more because that person's caffeine-nicotine binge prevents them from getting any sleep. And when TWO PEOPLE are sleep deprived after three days and nights of writing articles to catch a deadline, those people tend to open a joint account in to post whatever it is they ended up writing because their caffeine-nicotine binge prevents them from getting any sleep.

We are pen-name and Shiranui-V, English is not our native language, and if we update our fic, that means we haven't slept in three days.

Beware.

Thank you so much to our beta** bloodhill**. We couldn't have done it without you.

**O.R.**

**Pilot Episode**

-----------------------------------------

"I'm sorry, Naruto," Kushina croaked as she spoke between her last breaths, the cancer in her pancreas eating her away. "I don't think I'll be able to see you through your fight to become the greatest plastic surgeon in the world."

Tears glimmered in bright blue eyes. "Don't say that, mom. You'll be there nagging me until I'm the _oldest_ plastic surgeon in the world."

The dying woman snorted. "Just because you've become a full-fledged M.D. doesn't mean you can lie to me about my condition, you brat. I know I don't have much time left, and it's not like I'm sad about it or anything. _You_ shouldn't be sad about it either. We both know you have more to worry about than your dead mother."

"Mom!"

"What?"

"Stop saying things like that," Naruto started sobbing. "It's freaking me out."

"Shut up, brat, and grow up. I'm about to die."

Naruto bawled louder.

"Stop crying! You're twenty seven, for God's sake. Just promise me…" a barrage of coughing stopped her, "…promise me…"

"Name it," the blonde let out between hic-ups as he grabbed his mother's slack hand. "You know I never break a promise. You name it, I'll do it."

"Promise me you'll continue your studies even though I won't be there to give you some ass-whooping whenever you slack off or feel stupid."

"I promise. I'll give myself some ass-whooping whenever I get stupid."

"Good. Don't forget what I've been telling you. That famous doctor… that Minato Namikaze… you have to surpass him."

"I will."

"You'll become a greater plastic surgeon than him… Promise me."

"Um… I can't be a gynecologist instead? Or an urologist? I mean, plastic surgery's kinda hard and-"

"Naruto!"

"Okay, okay. I promise. Geez, don't get your panties in a knot, woman!"

"Good."

And with that, Kushina Uzumaki took her last breath with an assured smile.

-----------------------------------------

Sakura Haruno, M.D. sat in her apartment, holding a picture of her and her two best friends since med school. She had just finished her internship and tomorrow she would be going to a different wing of Konoha University Hospital. Tomorrow, she would enter the building as a surgery resident. It would be hard, she knew that. In fact, she knew it would probably be better for her to apply for residency in internal medicine.

But she would do anything to be with the man she loved.

Her dreamy sigh filled the silence, "Sasuke…"

-----------------------------------------

_"What's that? Your internship is finished? Oh, that's great. What residency did you apply to back in med school? Or are you going to open your own practice?"_

_"I applied for a residency in neurosurgery, dad. I told you that when I applied two years ago."_

_"You did? I forgot. So, you're going to become a neurosurgeon, too, huh? That's great, especially since you'll have Itachi there helping you out."_

The rest of the conversation didn't register in Sasuke's mind, so it didn't come back to him now that he was brooding alone in the quiet night.

It was always like that. Itachi was a prodigy. Itachi was smarter, stronger, faster. Itachi this, Itachi that. And somewhere along the line, Sasuke was sick of hearing about how great his older brother was.

"I swear," he gritted out in to the cold night, clenching both his fists. "I swear I'll be better, _bigger_ than Itachi. I'll show you, Fugaku Uchiha, M.D., the best neurosurgeon in the world, that your name will be carried on _not_ by your first son but by your second one. As God as my witness, I SWEAR IT!!!"

Lightning crashed as though the starless sky itself bore witness to Sasuke Uchiha's oath. He closed his eyes in determination as small drops of rain started to fall. Nothing could stop him from proving himself. Nothing!

"Sasukeeee!"

The window creaked as Mikoto Uchiha tried to look outside and up from inside the kitchen.

"Sasuke?! Are you up on the roof again?! Come inside, honey, it's raining!"

"Hn."

-----------------------------------------

"What do you think?" Temari asked as she twirled in front of the mirror.

Ten Ten nearly choked. The black, plunging-neckline blouse showed more than enough cleavage than legally allowed. The grey pencil skirt looked more like painted on instead of worn, and to say Temari's hips looked damn sexy in it would be an understatement.

"Are you out of your mind?!"

Temari looked at her innocently. "What? I look good, right?"

"_Too_ good. You want those kids to respect you, not drool all over you."

"Hm… You're right. Wait, I'll try some other stuff."

"Since when do you care so much about what you wear to work?" Ten Ten huffed. "You'll be wearing scrubs all day anyway. And a funny scrub cap, too."

"Yeah, but I'll be briefing those first year residents as Chief tomorrow before giving them their assigned scrubs and scrub caps. I want to look good."

"Why you would want to look good in front of a bunch of your juniors is beyond me."

"Jealous?"

"Why would I? I got handsome surgeons _and_ patients flirt with me everyday."

"One of the perks of being a nurse, huh?"

"_O.R._ nurse."

"Fine, fine. O.R. nurse," Temari sighed before twirling again. "Now what do you think?"

Ten Ten perused the lavender bow collar blouse and purple kick pleat skirt that reached down to half her calves… and laughed.

"Where are you going, granny? Do you need me to help you cross the street?"

Temari groaned. "Damn it! This isn't working… what are you doing?"

"Helping you prepare the funny scrub caps. Hawaiian prints. You like?"

"Heheheh… those rookies have no idea what they're getting into."

-----------------------------------------

"Father…"

The wind was blowing softly, playing with soft strands of long dark hair. It was somewhat eerie to be standing alone in a cemetery on a late evening, but Neji was used to it. He'd been doing it every year ever since he was allowed to venture out alone at night and had his own car.

"I'm in my second year now. Soon I'll be spending more time working and assisting in the O.R., and I'll have to study even harder so I can be accepted in Cardiothoracic Surgery like I've promised you."

The gravestone in front of him remained silent, but Neji didn't care. It wasn't like he was expecting any answer. He was melodramatic, not delusional.

"I don't have many stories tonight. I'm still being worked to death by my superiors. Uncle Hiashi is being supportive as usual. Hinata and Hanabi are fine. Hm… let's see. I, um, I have a… a crush, sort of. I don't know who he is. I don't even know his name. All I know is that I sometimes see him around, in the surgical wing, with that funny-looking ponytail of his… that makes his head looks like a pineapple. He seems to be my age, so maybe he's also a resident but in a different department. Um…"

The wind was staring to get cold. Good thing he was wearing a thick coat. Neji didn't know how he could feel embarrassed talking to a grave, but he did. He felt like a fifteen-year-old girl, but a morbid one. That wasn't exactly reassuring.

"Anyway, that's not important. I care more about my studies than some guy. Oh, and I heard the nurses gossip the other day, about this genius surgeon called doctor Nara. Apparently, every year, the department heads in Konoha would send him residency or fellowship offers and he always turns all of them down. And from what they were saying, doctor Tsunade -- that's the head of Cardiothoracic -- is the most adamant. I've never seen him, but if I ever do, I think I want to give him a piece of my mind. They said he's been a general surgeon for five years; a very, _very_ good one, but he's too lazy to go further. What kind of a self-centered old bastard _is_ he? Doesn't he have any idea how hard it is for other people? Doesn't he realize how many lives he could've saved as a cardio surgeon?"

Neji realized that he was starting to rant, and ranting to a grave was never a good sign of sanity. He was a doctor, so he knew that for a fact.

"Four more years -- including this one -- in general surgery residency and, if they accept me, another two years in cardiothoracic residency, and I'll be a full-fledged cardio surgeon. I swear to you again, Father. I'll be the best cardio surgeon there is. No more children will suffer as I have and-"

"Excuse me."

Neji whipped around, somewhat embarrassed that someone had heard his over-dramatic statements. This could be bad for his "cool, calm and collected" image. He narrowed his eyes as he saw an old man in tattered dungarees, desperately hoping the old cemetery grounds keeper would be intimidated enough to not say anything about this to anyone.

"Yes?"

"Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt your private moment, but I really, _really_ want to lock up for the night. So, uh… could you…?"

"Hn."

-----------------------------------------

"Yosh!!! Doctor Maito, now that I'm a resident in Clinical Urology, I'm ever-so-closer to fulfilling my dream of following your footstep!"

Lee's super-loud and full of spirit voice rang all the way to the first floor where Mrs. Rock and her fellow old ladies were playing mahjong.

"Using all the strength of the springtime of youth in this body, I promise you, doctor Maito, that I'm going to be the best resident you've _ever_ had!"

Tears were starting to slide down Lee Rock, M.D.'s cheeks as out of nowhere a grandiose view of sunset emerged -- even though it was in the middle of the night -- and basked him in its ethereal glow…

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"SHUT UP!!! We're trying to play down here!"

-----------------------------------------

It was much worse than Kiba thought it would be.

Of course he realized that his mother was going to get mad. Ever since he enrolled in medical school five years ago instead of veterinary school, Tsume Inuzuka -- the owner and Director of Konoha Veterinary Hospital -- was already in an angry state. But the spiky-haired doctor never thought that his mother was going to be _this_ furious when he told her that he was accepted in Surgical Residency Program of Konoha University Hospital.

"Didn't I give you enough time to play, Kiba?" asked Tsume as she pinned down her only son with her deathly glare. "Four years of college, four years of medical school, not to mention one year of internship. Nine years is more than _enough_!"

"Play? I wasn't _playing_! I was busting my ass out to become an M.D.!" Kiba shouted and glared back at his mother.

"It might be true, but this hospital doesn't need an M.D. So, why don't you prepare yourself to enroll in Konoha Veterinary College instead of more fooling around by attending the surgical residency."

"Veterinary school? Mom, you gotta be kidding me!

"I'm dead serious, Kiba. You_ will_ go to K.V.C. to get your D.V.M., and then you'll come to work here with me and Hana."

"Mom, you know that I've always wanted to be a surgeon. Besides, I'm already halfway there and-"

"Enough!" yelled Tsume as she slammed the big desk in front of her, silencing the young M.D. "You have an obligation as an Inuzuka. Be a real man and fulfill it!"

Kiba took a deep breath before answering, preparing himself for the worst. "I'm_ so_ sorry, mom, but I can't. I've never wanted to be a veterinarian. I want to be a surgeon."

"Then you're not my son anymore."

"Mom!" Kiba's eyes were starting to get wet. It couldn't be this bad. It just couldn't!

"Give me your wallet."

"Mom…?"

"Your wallet, Kiba."

Kiba took his black leather wallet out of his back pocket and handed it to Tsume who instantly opened it and took out all of Kiba's credit cards. Afterwards, she grabbed a scissor and cut all the cards in half, making Kiba who was trying so hard not to cry gasped.

However, Kiba's misery was not over yet.

"You have five minutes to say goodbye to Akamaru."

"W-w-what?" stuttered Kiba. He clearly didn't see this one coming. "Mom, at least let me keep Akamaru."

"No. You don't _deserve_ Akamaru."

Kiba couldn't hold his tears in any longer. Dropping to his knees, Kiba grabbed Akamaru who was sitting near his leg all along, hugged him tightly and cried in to the soft, white fur while the giant dog who had been his best friend since he was twelve started to howl and whimper.

-----------------------------------------

"I'm so happy!" Ino gushed. "We're finally catching up to Shikamaru!"

"Yep," Chouji garbled while chewing his chips. "But we still can't hang out together or anything. Sure we'll be in the same wing, but we're only first year residents. He's a surgeon."

"So what? I'm sure he'll help us with our studies. He always does… at least, until he went away to med school when we were twelve, followed by internship and residency… and then, of course, busy being a real surgeon when we were still stuck in college…"

Chouji smiled knowingly. "Yeah. I miss him too."

Ino went quiet for a while before finally slapping Chouji's back with a bright smile. "Hey, you think he'll make our papers for us?"

-----------------------------------------

Sai looked up from the canvas when he heard knocking on the door. Knowing who it was and far too engrossed in his latest project, he opted to just say, "Come in."

Danzo Root, formerly one of the best surgical oncologists the world had ever known, opened the door and walked towards his son, his shaky hand holding a piece of paper.

"I saw this pinned on the refrigerator," he said with a bright smile.

Sai took his eyes away from his half-done painting to look at the paper. It was his new schedule. Since he'll be working as a resident in the Surgery Department starting tomorrow, his hours would change and everyone in the house should know. 'Everyone' meaning his sick father, his father's nurse Esther and the maid.

Returning the smile, he said, "I'll be very busy from now on, Esther should know where to contact me if anything happens."

"I noticed they don't make you work one hundred hours a week anymore. Kids these days… They have it so easy."

"Eighty hours a week, with thirty of them spent in clinic duty, plus being on-call every three nights," Sai chuckled. "I really wouldn't call that 'easy'. And for minimum-wage salary, too."

Danzo scoffed playfully, "Hmph. That's nothing compared to what I have to go through back in the day."

"Sure, dad."

"Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you shouldn't worry about me too much. I don't mind losing you to crazy hours in the hospital. In fact, I couldn't be happier."

"I know, dad. I'm happy too."

"Good," said Danzo as he turned to leave. "I'll leave you to your hobby then."

Sai's perfect smile disappeared the moment his father closed the door behind him. He didn't know when he had actually had smiling down to a science. He remembered it used to be hard, though he no longer could recall _when_ it had been hard. Now his whole feature could turn into a smile in command with no effort at all.

Staring blankly at the canvas, Sai reminded himself that he could be happy if he wanted to. Maybe not as happy as his father, but at least he could really smile. His father never wanted to get Parkinson's disease and end his illustrious career long before he should have, but now he was happy just for the fact that his son was getting closer to continuing the Root name. Sai never wanted to become a doctor much less a surgeon, but now he should be happy just for the fact that his father was happy for him.

Glancing at the drawer where he kept all those letters of scholarship offer from all those prestigious art schools all those years ago, Sai could only sigh.

"Easier said than done."

-----------------------------------------

Whiiiirrrr…

Gaara let his hands work on the clay spinning in front of him while his mind wandered. His conversation with his grandmother nine years ago came to him.

_"I know you're angry with me now, boy, but I assure you, one day you'll thank me."_

_"Hn."_

_"Konoha is the best medical school. Their learning hospital is one of the best in the world. And there you'll be with your brother and sister again… not that you'd care. You three have never been close, after all."_

_"Hn."_

_"Just you see. Temari was also mad as hell at me for making her do this, but she's all fine and dandy now."_

_"Hn."_

_"Fine. Be that way. Just remember, you'll thank me. Now go and be a famous surgeon before coming back here to Suna and work in your family's hospital. Oh, and I've thrown away all those art school scholarship offers scattered on your desk. No need to thank me, dear, but once you're on your own you'll have to start taking care of yourself, like doing your laundry and taking out your trash."_

As the clay in his hands started to take shape, Gaara wondered why after this whole nine years of college, med school and internship, he still had no idea why he would thank his grandmother.

Whiiiirrrr…

-----------------------------------------

Silence.

That was all Shino Aburame was going to get every time he went to his parents' house, and this time it wouldn't be any different.

His father, the well-known entomologist Shibi Aburame, was so disappointed with him when he chose medical school over Konoha Department of Entomology Faculty. And the scar was deep. The quiet man didn't exactly disowned Shino. He was still willing to pay for his son's tuition fee and everything else, but he refused to talk to his only child ever since.

"Father, I just wanted to let you know that I've finished my internship. I'm a full-fledged M.D. now."

Silence.

"I also wanted to tell you that starting tomorrow, I'll be studying general surgery at Konoha University Hospital."

Silence.

"I guess that's it. I better go back to my apartment now. Take care, Father."

Silence.

When Shino was about to close the door behind him, ready to leave his father's house, he slightly heard buzzing from the room.

_Great. Even the bugs give me the silent treatment now._

-----------------------------------------

"Bye, Sister Helen, Father Maxwell!" Haku shouted happily as he waved.

The two servants of God waved back with a loving smile. The young man had worked so hard, trying to get the best education solely on scholarships. Now he was officially an M.D. and would be spending his time as a surgical resident in the country's most famous hospital. Haku wasn't lucky enough to get adopted, so Sister Helen and Father Maxwell had been taking care of him in their church orphanage until he turned eighteen and had to get his own place. Luckily, Haku had always been smart, hardworking and very stubborn, enough to reach for his dreams.

Haku walked with light steps along the road. His apartment wasn't far from his beloved church orphanage. The bus ride to Konoha University Hospital was quite far, but he didn't care. He could manage. As the young doctor took a turn, Haku noticed that the vacant lot he usually passed by was now busy with construction. He was wondering what building they were putting up there when the construction workers noticed him strolling by.

"Hey, there, pretty girl! How're ya doin'?"

"Now what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this? Want me to walk you?"

"Oh, yeah, baby! Just keep walkin' and give me a show of that tight ass!"

Damn it! This _always_ happens!

Pride shaken, Haku stopped and turned to face the workers. Mustering the scariest face he could possibly make, he let out the most undoubtedly masculine roar he could let out -- which was, of course, not at all that masculine.

"I AM _NOT_ A GIRL!!!!"

-----------------------------------------

**We, of Yale Vascular Surgery Department, hereby offer you a fellowship…**

Shikamaru didn't finish reading before he let go of the letter, letting the wind sweep it away from his fingers and on to the sea. With a bored yawn, he opened another one and started reading again.

**We, of Princeton General Hospital, hereby offer you a fellowship in our Surgical Oncology Department, to be working under the supervision of…**

Again, the rest of the letter was left unread before it was tossed in to the ocean. Another envelope adorned with the sigil of some famous university was opened, another letter was read without interest.

**We, of Johns Hopkins Neurosurgery Department, hereby offer you a position in our residency…**

After that one, Shikamaru felt the need for some nicotine and decided to indulge himself. Opening another letter while holding a lit cigarette between two fingers, he frowned at the words presented to him.

**We, of Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, hereby offer you a fellowship in our Diagnostic Department, to be working under the supervision of Gregory House, M.D. Should you want to discuss this offer, please contact…**

What the hell? Shikamaru thought. This was definitely new. They obviously didn't know how much he hated diagnosing patients. Heck, that was the reason he became a surgeon in the first place. Sure he was damn good at it, but people tend to _not_ take sixteen-year-olds seriously and he was tired of having patients look at him like he was a runaway mental patient or went looking for a second opinion before he even managed to open his prescription book. Whoever created "Doogie Howser, M.D." deserved a good pounding.

Now, after five years as a surgeon, not once had he had a patient question him. After all, he met most of those patients when they were already drugged into oblivion, ready for him to cut them open and make them better.

Shaking his head to the hilarity of someone actually considering him as a diagnostician, Shikamaru decided to keep that letter so he could laugh about it later with his house mates. He didn't know how, but somewhere along the way this "throwing letters in to the sea" thing had become a ritual. He did it every year, getting letters after letters of juicy offerings, letting them pile up through out the year before throwing all of them in to the ocean one by one and forgetting about them.

Shikamaru picked up the last envelope near his feet and smirked at the heading. As he opened it and read the letter, his smirk grew in to a genuine smile.

**To: Shikamaru Nara, M.D.  
Attending Physician  
General Surgery Department, Konoha University Hospital**

**We, of Konoha University Hospital Cardiothoracic Department, hereby offer you a position in our sub-specialist residency under the supervision of Tsunade, M.D. Should you want to discuss this offer, please contact our office when you see fit.**

**Whatever. Just come to my office and tell me you'll do it, you brat! If you don't, I'll tell your father about your affair with that nurse last month. Or worse, your mother!**

**Sincerely,  
Tsunade, M.D.  
Head of Cardiothoracic Surgery Department  
Konoha University Hospital**

Apparently, after sending a formal letter four times and _not_ getting the response she was hoping for, Tsunade had learned her lesson. This year, she finally resorted to threats. And a nurse? What nurse? Tsk, this could be troublesome.

Damn.

What would it take to make that woman give it up? Just because his father was a world-famous cardio surgeon didn't mean he had to be one too. Well, at least this year Gai had finally stopped. The guy offered him residency in Urology eight years in a row and finally gave up. Asuma gave up after three years, Ibiki gave up after two, Kimimaro and Orochimaru gave up after the first try, and Jiraiya didn't even bother.

Hm… Maybe he should join Jiraiya in Gynecology and Obstetrics instead? Just to shut everybody up?

…Nah.

Women are troublesome. Babies are troublesome. Both? Troublesome couldn't even begin to describe it.

He was happy where he was now. Sure his income was just so-so compared to his friends while he got the most and weirdest cases (it's not everyday you get to stitch back a husband's nose while the wife -- who had bitten it off in the first place -- ranted about her husband's affair in the small O.R.), but at least he could enjoy his life. Besides, not only were this year's residents his age, they seemed to be -- at least from the way Chouji and Ino described them in their emails -- quite entertaining. Maybe this year he could make amends to all those disappointed department heads by agreeing to teach once or twice.

Throwing away the letter that had come only a few doors away from his own office, Shikamaru chuckled to himself. Somehow, he had a feeling that this was going to be an interesting year in the oh-so-prestigious Surgical Department of Konoha University Hospital.

-----------------------------------------


	2. Episode 1

WARNINGS: (1) None of the authors have ever or ever will be studying medical science. All medical aspects of this fiction are based entirely on the authors' half-assed research and bullshitting. Input in this matter is very much welcomed, but flames are futile. (2) In the instances where you find the crack lame, the authors' suggest you laugh at the authors' lameness instead -- like the authors did when writing said lame crack. (3) The risk of sudden, random exposures to 80s rock songs in this fic is high, precaution is recommended. (4) References to classic movie and/or TV moments are not indicative towards the authors' age.

Thank you so much to our beta**bloodhill**. We couldn't have done it without you.

**O.R.**

**Episode 1**

-----------------------------------------

_You know where you are?  
You're in the jungle, baby  
You're gonna die!  
In the jungle  
Welcome to the jungle  
Watch it bring you to your shun- na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na- knees, knees  
In the jungle  
Welcome to the jungle  
Feel my, my, my serpentine  
In the jungle  
Welcome to the jungle  
Watch it bring you to your shun- na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na- knees, knees  
In the jungle  
Welcome to the jungle  
Watch it bring you to your  
It's gonna bring you down!  
Ha!_

_--- "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns n' Roses_

-----------------------------------------

Naruto stopped dead in his track, making the other nine first year surgical residents that were walking behind him bumped on to each other. Ten pairs of eyes watched the glass double door in front of them closely. They all knew that there, behind that door, was the Surgical Department of Konoha University Hospital.

It wasn't really their first time stepping in to the surgery wing. They all had finished their ten weeks rotation in this division as a clinical year medical student. Plus, they spent five weeks of their internship in this very department. So they weren't supposed to feel _that_ overwhelmed… right?

Wrong.

Apparently, when you walked down that soft green ward as a full-fledged M.D. who was about to start your way to become a surgeon, the pressure of what that place was slammed you right on the face with full force.

With eyes full of determination, Naruto lifted his right fist and looked up. "Mom…," he muttered to himself. "I know that you can see me from up there. Watch me, Mom. I'm about to take my first step in to fulfilling my promise to you."

The blonde closed his eyes and took a deep breath, drowning in his own personal emo moment.

SMACK!

"What do you think you're doing, dobe?! Are you trying to get all of us late on our first day? Get out of the way!"

Thankfully every one was somewhat nervous about their first day, so they just followed demurely when Naruto entered the door while rubbing the back of his head that just got smacked. As per instructed a couple of days before, they went straight to the door closest to the entrance which had a sign saying "O.R. Nurse Station" and huddled in front of it, waiting for their briefing.

Next to that door stood an intimidating blonde woman, looking very professional in dark red, shirt collar blouse and black, slim pants. Her blond hair was tied in to four -- yes, _four_ -- spiky ponytails, but her sharp gaze prevented anyone from commenting.

"Three minutes and fourteen seconds late," she said in a clip tone, making Naruto gulp while everyone else glared at him. "Make sure that it doesn't. happen. again."

The new future-surgeons gave their acknowledgment with various responses of nods, "Yes, ma'am"s and "Hn"s before the scary woman continued. "I am Temari Sabaku, fifth year resident. I've been made Chief of Resident so I'll be taking care of you slowpokes and your seniors from now on. My first advice for you: _Never_ mess with me.

Temari didn't wait for any response before looking at her clipboard and called, "Doctor Aburame."

Shinou blinked. "…?"

"Doctor Akimichi."

Chouji snapped his head up. "Y-yes, doctor?"

"Doctor Haruno."

Sakura raised her hand, cowering under Temari's commanding stare.

"Doctor Hyouton," a raised hand, "doctor Inuzuka… doctor Root… doctor Sabaku… doctor Uchiha… doctor Uzumaki… doctor Yamanaka… Good, everyone's here. Starting tomorrow, you will clock in at the front office as you come in. Tardiness will no longer be tolerated."

Again, everyone glared at Naruto who could only gulp and blush. Their Chief didn't exactly yell -- they _were_ in a hospital -- but her low, threatening voice sounded more menacing than any yelling could. She then eyed her charges head to toe and scowled.

"Inappropriate attire is _also_ unacceptable. Although you'll be wearing scrubs once you're here, whenever and wherever you are you're representing Konoha University Hospital. We have respectable doctors working here, not sluts. We don't spend hours gelling our hair to endanger people walking behind us and we _don't_ show off our bellybuttons."

Sasuke glared at the wall behind the Chief, while Sai and Ino discreetly put their arms around their revealed abdomen.

"And if tomorrow you still arrive here wearing_jeans_," Temari paused for effect while most of the rookies -- since most of them _were_ wearing jeans -- flinched, "you might as well go back home because you're not welcomed here. Jeans might be necessary when you work construction. It might be comfortable when you study in class or stroll down the mall. It's_not_ acceptable when you work in _this_ working environment as certified, respected, professional M.Ds."

Right at that moment, three men wearing jeans sauntered in and walked passed them. One of them, whose jeans were faded blue, topped with a faded t-shirt and an unbuttoned flannel shirt that matched the color of his converse sneakers perfectly, smiled to Temari. Somehow keeping a Tuohy needle between his lips, he said, "What's with that scowl so early in the morning, doctor Sabaku? You should smile more. Makes you look younger."

The other one's jeans were dark blue and topped with white shirt and worn-out leather jacket. The helmet clutched in his left hand explained the strange way his white, silvery, _obviously_ gelled hair angled to the side, but none of the ten newbie was sure about that and they were more interested in wondering why he was wearing a surgical mask. The man snickered, "Are these the new 'in-house staff'? Looking _good_."

The last one, whose grungy denim pants were black and topped with a black, turtleneck pullover, chuckled as he strolled along, his hands in his pockets and his black boots making a slight squeaky sound on the pristine floor. He smiled at Chouji and Ino without anyone else noticing before he said, "Take it easy with these guys, Sabaku. Psychological traumas are troublesome."

The new residents could only stare as their Chief nodded to the three men politely, making it obvious that those men were doctors that actually worked there, all of them probably surgeons, although they looked more like punk rockers. There was awkward silence as those men walked further and further away in all innocence, as if they had nothing to do with ruining Temari's moment. If this was a manga, a bird would be flying by, leaving a trail of dots above everyone's heads.

"If you let that little performance fool you then you better go home now, before I take you to the locker room. It'll save you the time of packing up again," Temari grated to keep up with appearance. Her charges snapped back to attention. "We have here, as attending physicians, _the_ best surgeons in the country if not the world. You think they care that you made it through med school and internship with flying colors so that you're accepted here? Hell, they don't even care about _you_. The only thing they care about is how well you perform in the Operating Room. They _will_ be brutal."

Temari paused to let her words sink in. Seeing the air getting drearier, she continued. "So kill those over-inflated ego of yours, work on your discipline, studies and resolve, _don't_ take anything they throw at you personally and learn from them instead, and you'll probably survive the next five years without any permanent damage. Understand?"

With the tension and dark aura pinning them down again, the ten new arrivals could only nod their heads quietly, making their Chief cackled inwardly in victory. Sasuke was still glaring, but Temari figured the guy must've been born that way or something. Hey, it was her job to keep with the tradition of making the new kids thought they were walking towards the gallows in their first day. She wouldn't let some trio of insane attending physicians stop her from doing it, damn it!

With the time ticking away and more people passing by, Temari knew it was time to get things going. "Okay, boys and girls. Let's get this show on the road. Follow me, and_please_ try to keep up. Wouldn't want any of you to get lost and cry for mommy."

As everyone started moving, a large, middle-aged man with a mass of white hair came to the O.R Nurse Station door where nurses started filing out.

"Hey there, cupcakes," he greeted, winking to the young, pretty, blushing nurses. "And how are we doing today?"

"I'd be careful if I were you, doctor," said a nurse whose nametag said 'Head of O.R. Nurse' and had red eyes, smiling mischievously. "The missus might see you, and you'll be in big trouble."

The old doctor laughed. "Don't worry, Kurenai. My wife isn't here. And neither is your husband, now that you mention it. How are _you_ doing?"

"JIRAIYA!" the shriek made Naruto and his friends look back, eyes big as saucers. "You old… ugly… senile…_perverted_… GOAT!"

"Shit," Jiraiya ducked to dodge a flying shoe. "Tsunade, darling, you misunderstand. I was just-"

"Don't give me that crap!" roared a blonde woman -- the one who just called Jiraiya a goat while throwing a shoe at him, the ten rookies noticed -- while running towards her husband. She was unbelievably fast for someone wearing only her left shoe, and it had high heels, too.

Jiraiya ran, passing the ten new residents, while Tsunade picked up her right shoe and followed in pursuit, waving said shoe as if it was a deadly weapon.

"Don't run, you jackass! I'll cut you up and feed you to…"

The rest Tsunade's rant became inaudible as the pair chased each other deeper in to Konoha University Hospital's surgical wing, while ten first year residents stared with various dumbstruck expressions. After all, who hadn't heard of doctors Jiraiya and Tsunade, both considered as legendary surgeons in their respective fields?

Temari, however, merely shrugged and kept walking. "Like I said, they're brutal."

-----------------------------------------

"This is your locker room," Temari announced once they entered the room. "Each of you will get your own locker and of course… this."

'This' was a set of scrubs.

_Pink_ scrubs.

"And, of course, the _matching_ scrub cap."

Yeah, right…

Since when did Hawaiian print considered a match with pastel pink? But nobody was crazy enough to say otherwise. So, when their Chief of Resident started to distribute the super-chic uniform, they accepted it and murmured their thanks.

Sakura, who actually _liked_ pink, stepped forward to take the scrubs rather eagerly. However, the oldest doctor Sabaku changed her mind after seeing that mass of pink hair.

"Pink scrubs will clash with your hair color, so I think this one will do you _much_ better."

It took all the willpower in doctor Haruno's body to hold her desire to scream at the orange scrubs. But she accepted it nevertheless. Saying thank you was never so hard before.

"Um, doctor Sabaku?"

"Yes, doctor Uzumaki?"

"Can I have the orange one too?"

"Are you serious?"

Naruto grinned his thousand-watt grin. "Yes. I like orange."

Oh-kay, Temari thought, this was new. But what the hell. The weird kid could wear paste yellow for all she cared.

"Sure, why not? Here you go," she said as she handed the hideous scrubs to Naruto. "Anyone else?"

Silence.

"Now that everyone is _satisfied_ with their scrubs and caps, why don't you-"

The sound of the door being opened cut Temari's words. Four young men strolled into the room, but they stopped instantly when they saw a bunch of unfamiliar faces in front of them.

"Oh, good, you're all here," Temari greeted them. She then waved her right hand towards the new in-house staff. "Meet the first year residents."

The four young men studied their ten juniors fleetingly, only remembering faces since they were bound to know each other as the days role by anyway. Their Chief, however, knew that it was mandatory for the rookies to know which senior was which.

"Okay, kids, listen up. Don't forget any of these guys because they're probably the only lifeline you have here, just like me. I'll only introduce them once, so pay attention."

Ten eyes focused on the four elders like puppies.

"The handsome guy with the hair is doctor Hyuuga, second year. The one with the upside-down bowl on his head is doctor Rock, also second year. As you all know, residency in clinical urology starts after only one year of general surgery residency, so starting today he's a urology resident. Tall, dark and sexy over there is doctor Momochi, a fifth year resident like me. Last but not least is doctor Sabaku, second year, just starting neurosurgery. And yes, we're related. If you got confused, his first name is Kankurou. Any questions?"

Naruto raised his hand. Again.

"Yes?"

"So, um, are the two of you related with this doctor Sabaku?" he asked while pointing to Gaara, who glowered at anyone who dared to look at him.

Temari rolled her eyes. "Yes, doctor Uzumaki, we are. Now, any _important_ questions?"

Silence permeated the room, which meant the ten rookies had probably grafted all those information in their heads. However, unknown to most of the people in that room, right at that moment, two thunderbolts had struck.

"She's so beautiful…" muttered Zabuza to himself -- and anybody that was close enough to hear him.

"I know," replied Lee with dreamy eyes.

"Just look at that long, lustrous, black hair…"

"You mean short, sensual, _pink_ hair?"

"No, it's black. And if anyone's colorblind around here, it's definitely you. By the way, you _do_ realize that you're wearing a neon green body-suit and bright yellow socks, right?"

While Neji remained quiet and cool as usual, Kankurou was trying his damnedest not to laugh. "You're not colorblind, Zabuza, you're just blind. There're only two girls there, that pink haired girl and the blonde one."

"No, there're three of them," replied Zabuza stubbornly. "Look, I'll prove it you."

The tanned soon-to-be surgeon walked closer to his newly-found object of affection and cleared his throat before verbalizing what was on his mind in his deep, sexy voice. "Would you please tell me your name, Miss…?"

"Haku Hyouton," answered the beautiful _man_ calmly. "And I'm not a girl."

Zabuza didn't give up. He had never been this captivated by a person before, and since he wasn't gay, this must be a girl. Ignoring Kankurou's snicker, he pushed on. "Are you sure?"

Haku was getting more and more annoyed. "Last time I check, which was this morning when I peed standing up, I still have my penis. So yeah, I'm sure."

"Okay, it's settled then. Now, those of you with penis just go to the left changing room and those of you _without_ penis go to the right one," Temari's voice boomed to get things going. Not caring about the panicked way Sakura dodge the kiss Lee sent her through the air, she let out her trademarked naughty smirk. "Let's make all of you_presentable_ before we begin the real tour."

-----------------------------------------

"Excuse me, doctor Maito," said Temari as she signaled the first year residents to follow her into the office that was so… green. "I have here with me the first year residents."

"Ah yes… come in," replied Gai Maito, M.D., who also looked very green in his bright green suit, with a loud voice. "COME IN!"

While their eyes were being attacked by the brightness of Gai's clothes and their ears by the loudness of his voice, the rookies could only hope that their faces didn't let out any inappropriate expression. Hell, that guy was their Residency Administrator. He had the power to kick every single one of them out of this residency. So it was better for them if that upside-down-bowl-shaped haired urologist didn't get insulted today.

"When I woke up this morning, I could see that the sun was so bright and the sky was so blue, and I thought… wow… it must be the best time of the day. But, apparently, I was _wrong_!!!"

The last word was uttered so loud, some of the young doctors jumped back. Naruto, who was so ready to let out a laugh, was awarded with one lethal glare from Sasuke that made him change his mind right away.

"Yes, I was wrong. _Now_ is the best time of the day! Because nothing in this world can be compared to the beauty of the _youthfulness_ within you. Therefore, I, Gai Maito, M.D., as the administrator of Surgical Residency Program of Konoha University Hospital, welcome you all young doctors in this residency."

The urologist took a breath, making the rookies thought he was done, only to make them jump again when he loudly continued, "And I _beseech_ you! To_burn_ those spirits in the springtime of youth, and _use_ them as fuel in this fantastic ride of becoming. the best. surgeons._ever_!"

Gai ended his speech in quite a pose; one thumb up and tears glistening in his eyes. And as weird as it might sound, the first year residents swore that they could see a sunset panorama materializing in that office.

Taking it as a cue that it was time to move on, Temari stepped forward and broke the illusion. "Thank you, doctor Maito, that was quite… inspiring. Now I need to move on with the tour so they can start their studies right away."

"Of course! Don't let me _hinder_ your youthful journey, young residents! Off with you, and I shall _be_ here for any assistance you may need throughout your _years_ of struggle!"

With that lengthy farewell, the Chief of Resident ushered her juniors out and closed the door behind her with a relieved sigh. One down, more office-full-of-maniacs than she could handle to go.

-----------------------------------------

"Next we're going to visit the office-slash-lounge of General Surgery," explained Temari as they walked down a long corridor. "There you can find our House Surgeons, which are doctors Yamashiro, Suzume, Ebisu, and Nara. Sometimes you may find other general surgeons who occasionally work freelance for us. Ah, here we go."

Opening a wooden door that said 'General Surgery', Temari greeted, "Excuse me, doctors. I'm here with this year's new residents."

Three heads looked up from a meeting table as six pairs of hands put down various forms of breakfast food. The ten younger visitors couldn't help but notice that all of the three surgeons were wearing sunglasses. And somehow, none of them could stop the thought that said, 'Man, those are some _wicked_ shades!'

Something was _definitely_ off with this room.

Temari didn't even bat an eyelash. "Clockwise, we have doctor Ebisu, doctor Yamashiro and doctor Suzume. We all saw doctor Nara's arrival -- he was the one wearing black -- but apparently he's not here, probably in the O.R. already-"

"He's here," interrupted one of the male surgeons with a grin, gesturing to the couch further inside the room with his head. However, since all they could see was the back of said couch, none of the residents was sure he wasn't just yanking their chain. "And hello to all of you, residents. I'm Aoba Yamashiro, general surgeon extraordinaire, ready to cut you open and tie you up with your own intestines if you screw up in my class. So don't."

"Tsk," the other male surgeon shook his head disapprovingly. "Ten new residents and only three of them female. This is lame."

"Don't you mean_two_, Ebisu? All those porn you've been watching and you still can't tell the difference between male and female?" asked the female one while picking her bagel back up and biting it before turning her attention back to the guests. "By the way, the name's Suzume. Good to meet you."

Ebisu eyed the ten wary-looking rookies critically before settling his gaze on Sakura. "You're a guy?"

Snicker.

Everyone -- including the red-faced, teeth-gritting Sakura and Haku -- turned their attention to the seemingly-unoccupied couch.

"Doctor Nara," Temari greeted blandly, even though the recipient of her greeting was no where in sight. "It's very nice of you to finally join us. Do you have anything to say to these new surgeons-to-be, sir?"

Snore.

"Doctor Nara?"

Snoooore.

"Doctor _Nara_?"

SNOOOORE!

"Right. Let's move on."

-----------------------------------------

"Next is the Surgical Oncology Department. I'm sure you've all heard of its department head, Asuma Sarutobi Jr.?"

The ten first year residents gave various forms of confirmation, seeing as none of them haven't heard of the man that was said to be one of the finest oncology surgeons in the country.

"Good," Temari said as he opened a door. "Here we are."

All of the ten rookies thought they were ready for anything, but they obviously weren't ready to get assaulted by the scent of cigarette smoke. Smoking in a hospital? What the hell was _wrong_ with these people?!

A large, bearded man, standing near the opened window, turned around when he heard the door opened.

"Good morning, doctor Sarutobi," Temari greeted politely as if she didn't notice the burning cigarette between the man's lips and how her charges gaped at it. "Here are the new residents."

"Oh, hello," said Asuma with a friendly smile, pulling his cigarette off his lips with two fingers and blowing smoke outside the window. "Hawaiian prints, huh? Cool."

Temari grinned and addressed her juniors again. "As you can see, doctor Sarutobi Jr. is not only a very experienced surgeon, but a very nice one. If you have any questions regarding oncology, he won't hesitate to help you."

Sakura, already on the edge of her sanity after what happened in the General Surgery Department, couldn't quite stop her 'everything must be prim and proper' instinct. Luckily, her survival instinct stopped her from saying anything other than, "Um…"

Asuma looked at her. "Yes, doctor…?"

"Um, Haruno, sir, um…"

"Yes, doctor Haruno?"

Since the young woman couldn't seem to voice whatever it was she needed to ask, Asuma opted to follow her gaze instead. He chuckled when he found that, apparently, the young doctor Haruno was staring at the big 'No Smoking' sign on the wall, right above his head.

"Oh, that?" he said with a bright laugh. "That's for patients, not doctors."

Another awkward moment took place, in which Temari finally sighed, "…Yeah. I think we should move on now. Thank you, doctor Sarutobi. Kids, let's go."

-----------------------------------------

"In our Orthopedics, the head is doctor Kimimaro Kaguya. As all of you may already know, he's also a very famous surgeon."

Again, the ten rookies only nodded as they thought about the legendary figure they were about to meet. They felt lucky for being the few people chosen for this chance to work in the same building with _the_ orthopedist that was given the nickname "Bone Assembler".

Temari opened the door, revealing a man with long, silvery, white hair sitting behind a desk. He looked up towards the people that just entered his office without stopping what he was doing, which was… gnawing a bone?

"Uh… Good morning, doctor Kaguya. I'm just here to introduce the new residents, and since we can all see that you're quite busy, we'll just run along. Thank you."

-----------------------------------------

"Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery," Temari said resignedly after they walked in silence for a while, no longer thinking that embellishing their surgeons' fame and reputation was a good idea. "Department head is doctor Ibiki Morino, and… here's the office."

The door opened.

_"Doctor Troy…"_

_"Yes…"_

_"I want you to make me a perfect ten…"_

_"That won't be a problem…"_

"Ahem, doctor Morino?"

The big, scary man with scars on his face looked at them, clearly annoyed.

"These are the new residents…" Temari trailed off as the plastic surgeon ignored her and turned his attention back to the HDTV in front of him, obviously finding "Nip/Tuck" more interesting than whatever it was the Chief of Resident was saying.

The blonde finally sighed. "Right then, we'll just move on to the next department. Come on, guys."

As they left the room and once again on the move, Naruto tugged the hem of Sasuke's scrubs. When the questioning glare came, he whispered shakily, "That's the guy I'm going to be stuck with when I enter Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery residency? He's… he's…"

"Hn?"

"He's _scary…_"

Sasuke was about to let out his usual grunt again, but then he saw that Naruto was near tears. He rolled his eyes, more at himself for caring than at his friend's antics, before deciding to give a more comforting respond…

"Dobe."

-----------------------------------------

"In Neurosurgery, we have doctor Orochimaru heading the department, with doctors Kabuto Yakushi and Anko Mitarashi as attending physicians, doctor Itachi Uchiha as its last year resident and doctor Kankurou Sabaku whom you've met in the locker room earlier."

Temari opened the door… and froze.

Meanwhile, the ten residents' brain was having a hard time processing the view. There was a middle aged, pale, long haired man. There was also a man who looked a lot younger, with light-grey hair pulled in to a ponytail and glasses perched on his nose. The younger man was bent over, half naked, wrists crossed together on one of the handles on a file cabinet, and had an obvious hard-on. The older man was… _tying_ the younger man's wrists? To the file cabinet?

Sasuke paled.

Temari took a couple of steps backwards and closed the door.

"Alright then. Let's move on, shall we?"

-----------------------------------------

Ten first year residents followed their chief quietly, brains doing various forms of effort to permanently erase the newly-implanted picture. They didn't realize they had reached another door that said, 'Tsunade, M.D.' and 'Cardiothoracic Surgery Department'.

"You've met doctor Tsunade earlier," Temari's voice pierced the rookies' silence. "Since she's a cardio transplant specialist, here we also have two cardio surgeons working under her supervision in our cardio transplant fellowship program, doctors Namiashi and Shizune."

The ten younger doctors prepared themselves for whatever it was that would assault their vision as Temari opened the door. That preparation was proved futile when they were presented with a sequel to this morning's drama.

"Shut up, you old pervert! I don't believe you!" Tsunade yelled, pouting behind her desk.

"But Tsunade, my wife, my beloved," Jiraiya pleaded. "I _swear_ to you. Those nurses mean nothing. I was just being nice."

"Nice my ass! Sometimes I wonder why I haven't divorced you yet!"

"No, honey, you can't mean that. Tsunade, you're the only one in my heart. Here," Jiraiya put a hand on his chest, "you can cut my heart out and see for your self."

"Fine, I will." Tsunade held out a hand. "Scalpel."

A female doctor -- who they presumed was Shizune -- produced a scalpel out of nowhere and put it on Tsunade's hand.

Jiraiya backed away. "Hold on, now, I didn't mean _literally_…"

"Raidou, hold him," Tsunade ordered.

A large man with burn marks on his face and neck stood from where he was sitting and positioned himself behind Jiraiya, holding the old man by the shoulders.

"Wait, stop! Hey, hey, Namiashi, let me go! Tsunade, I know you're the best cardio surgeon there is, but you can't just take someone's heart out like this!"

"Watch me."

Starting to panic, Jiraiya looked around frantically for an escape until his eyes caught the residents at the door.

"You! Er… erm… Sabaku, right? Help me! And you… you… people with Hawaiian prints scrub caps! Don't just stand there! Help meee…!"

Jiraiya's wailing and begging became more and more inaudible as Temari closed the door and led the ten residents to the next stop.

-----------------------------------------

"You've just met the head of our Gynecology and Obstetrics, doctor Jiraiya," Temari deadpanned as they approached another door, making her juniors frown in denial at the memory. "Although we have several freelance surgeons working there, we also have one House Surgeon, doctor Kakashi Hatake, a maternal-fetal medicine specialist, whom you've also met."

The rookies gave their chief questioning looks, so Temari elaborated. "He's the one carrying a helmet. Oh, and don't be surprised to see him with his surgical mask. No one has ever seen him take it off. You'll get used to it eventually."

As the door to Gynecology and Obstetrics were opened, they were assaulted by very familiar noises of lovemaking, only without any female sound. Eh…?

"Yo, Sabaku. What's up?"

_"Ah- ah- yes… yes…"_

"Hello, doctor Hatake. I'm taking the rookies on a tour."

_"Faster… faster… yes… yes…"_

Kakashi shifted his focus to the new residents and chuckled. "Well, hello, new staff with funny-looking scrub caps. How's doctor Sabaku been treating you?"

_"Bend over, baby. Show me that ass…"_

Apparently undisturbed by the erotic -- masculine -- sounds, Temari grinned. "I've been_very_ gentle with them, doctor. By the way, is that the new DVD you ordered last week?"

_"Oh, _yeah_… that's it, baby… harder…"_

"Yep, just came in yesterday. You want to borrow it?"

_"Oh… oh… oh, God…"_

"Yes, thank you, sir! Anyway, we should be continuing the tour and leave you to this… documentary. The sooner you're done with it, the sooner I can borrow it. "

_"Oh… I'm coming… I'm coming…"_

"Okay. Have fun, you guys."

_"Ah… ah… yes… yes… YES!"_

-----------------------------------------

The rookies hadn't had the time to recover from the shock they had gotten in doctor Hatake's office when their chief dragged them into another office.

The name 'Genma Shiranui, M.D.' that was written above 'Anesthesiology Department' on the door indicated that the office belonged to one of the best anesthesiologist in the country. However, after being assaulted by weirder and weirder revelations at every door, the ten newbie couldn't help but feel a bit freaked out. Especially now that Temari had opened the door and all they could hear was laughter.

"Eheheheheh… Izumo, you look funny…" CRASH! "Ow…"

"Oh, no! Hahaha! Kotetsu fell off his chair! Ahahaha… here, I'll help you… hehehe…" BUMP! "Oops! I fell too! Hahaha…"

"Excuse me, doctor Shiranui. I would like to-"

"Just a minute, Sabaku," Genma cut Temari's greeting while the two younger men in front of him helped each other get back on their seats, giggling at their own clumsiness. "Two more questions and I'll be done here."

Temari nodded as the first year residents got another wave of shock.

Him?_That's_ the famous anesthesiologist? The guy dressed like Kurt Cobain -- bless his soul -- from this morning?

"Okay, my two padawans," the so-called 'famous anesthesiologist' said cheerfully, turning his attention back to the two younger doctors in front of him. "We've established that you're in a relationship and that it's been going on a couple of months. Now tell me: Who's top?"

Izumo Kamizaki, M.D., third year anesthesiology resident, and his boyfriend, Kotetsu Hagane, M.D., also third year anesthesiology resident, were laughing their guts out at their boss's question. Suddenly their guffaw stopped but merely a second later, it started again. They were so, definitely, _undoubtedly_…

Stoned.

The ten new residents could only stare with various gob-smacked expressions as the fact sunk in veeery slowly due to shock. So people here don't just perform bondage or watch gay porn in their office, they get their residents high on anesthesia and interrogate said residents about their sex life, too?

"Um, what was the question?" asked Izumo between peels of laughter.

"Who's top?"

"We take turns," answered Kotetsu with a snicker.

Genma let out a satisfied smile and pat both his residents on the head. "See? That's not so hard, right? Now, since doctor Hagane's been such a good boy, he gets to answer the last question."

Kotetsu clapped his hands and giggled. "Oooh, cool…!"

Izumo pouted. "I've been a good boy, too…"

With a tone one would use to ask about the weather, the question came out. "So, Kotetsu, what's Izumo's favorite position?"

"Hey, ahaha…" Izumo guffawed. "I know that one! I know that one! It's um… um…"

"Doggy-style!" roared Kotetsu with all confidence, eyes shining.

"Nope," snickered Izumo. "You got it _wrong_, hahaha… I like being fucked against the wall better! Nyah!"

Suddenly there was silence.

"Wait, you didn't _know_ my favorite position?!"

"But I could've _sworn_ you're louder when-"

"Oops," Genma shrugged innocently as his residents went in to a full-blown lover spat filled with slurring, _informative_ wails they would absolutely regret the second they got sober. "Now, doctor Sabaku, you were saying?"

"I just want to introduce these new kids to you, doctor."

"Oh, yes! Hello, kids."

Meanwhile, the lovers were still going at it.

"You lied! Hahaha…You said you love me, haha… er, what were we talking about? Oh, yeah, heheh…You! You answered wrong!"

"I didn't lie! Ahahaha… I _do_ love you, ehehe… So I answered wrong, so what? Hahaha…um, what did I answer wrong?"

"What you are seeing here, doctors, is the fun impact of nitrous dioxide," doctor Shiranui explained, teacher-like, to his guests. He let them gape for a while before grinning. "Any of you like to try?"

All ten of the first year residents moved backward and shot their chief a pleading look.

"I guess not, huh?"

-----------------------------------------

"Just like anesthesiology, radiology is also a department that works closely to us," Temari explained as they approached another door. "The head of radiology is doctor Yamato. We mostly use freelancers, but there_is_ one resident here, who's already in his third year, doctor Iwashi Tatami."

The door opened.

"A bit to the right… No, no, lift your right arm a bit, that's it… Now face left…"

"Like this?"

"Perfect! Now hold that position…"

A soft, low humming sound.

After all that they've seen and been trough, the ten new residents no longer knew how to react upon seeing a doctor posing behind some sort of glowing screen, looking very much like an Egyptian with a completely wrong costume in a completely wrong setting, with a straight face.

…How old were these doctors again?

"Okay," Temari said nonchalantly. "The one posing is doctor Yamato and the one operating the machine is doctor Tatami. Now, let's move along. We have one more office to visit."

-----------------------------------------

'Asuma Sarutobi Sr., M.D.' the new residents read. Below it, 'Head of Surgical Department' was written elegantly in matching gold. After a soft knock, Temari opened the door and ushered them in. They were all tense, fearing what sort of madness would greet them this time, but nothing strange happened.

In fact, everything seemed normal.

Asuma Sarutobi Sr. stood behind his mahogany desk, hands behind his back, looking at the people entering his door. He looked like most men do in their late sixties, with white goatee, balding head and a nurturing smile.

"These are the new residents, I take it?" he asked nicely.

"Yes, doctor," answered Temari politely. "I was just wrapping up their tour around the department."

"Good, good," he nodded several times. "Well, I don't have much to say to you, just that I'm looking forward to see your achievements and wish you all good luck."

The new residents responded in variables of nods, "Thank you, sir"s and "Hn"s before Temari thanked the head of their department for his time and ushered them all out again. They were still wondering what the catch was, even as they walked further and further away from that office, until they arrived back in their locker room and Temari dismissed them to their scheduled duties for the day. Eventually, they all figured that they had somehow found a way out of Twilight Zone and were now safe in their new workplace.

Or so they thought.

Little did they know that, right after they filed out the department head's office and their chief closed the door behind them, Asuma Sarutobi Sr., M.D. brought his hands out from behind his back, revealing the binoculars they held. He didn't waste a second before using it to look out the window, right at the Konoha Nurse Academy dorm building across the street.

"Damn new residents… Can't let an old man have his fun… grumble, grumble…"

-----------------------------------------

A/N: Yes, doctor Sarutobi Asuma Sr. _is_ the Third Hokage.

**Next, on O.R.**

Kakashi was making his clean transverse cut just above Mrs. McDreamy's bladder when the sounds of someone entering the room were heard.

"Glad you can finally join us here, Doug," he greeted casually, not even bothering to look up from what he was doing. "Suction."

"Um, I'm not doctor Ross. My name is Iruka Umino, the new pediatrician," said the new person. Karin put down the clipboard where she kept track of the equipments and supplies being used. Then she proficiently took out clean surgical robe and mask from the autoclave before approaching the new doctor.

Curiosity got into Kakashi, making him turn his head to Iruka's direction just seconds before the nurse put a surgical mask on the pediatrician's face, and he got a glimpse of that tanned skin and full lips.

Thunderbolt struck. Again.

---

"You would rather live like this than in a small apartment?"

Kiba looked up and frowned. "Well… yeah."

"I don't understand. In an apartment, no matter how dingy you think it is, you would still be sleeping on a bed and have a closet to store your belongings."

"But I'd have to _pay_ for it."

"You have the money."

"It's not worth it," Kiba grumped with a childish pout. "If I have to pay for an apartment, it has to be a good one."

That logic was lost on Shino. The way Kiba suddenly looked up at him with puppy eyes, however, wasn't. Oh, shit.

"Hey, what about _your_ place? You have any extra room?"

---

Sasuke frowned as he saw the person assisting doctor Mitarashi. Although everyone down there were covered from head to toe and wore surgical masks, he would recognize those eyes anywhere.

Itachi.

Just as that thought pass, as though his older brother could tap into his brain, Itachi looked up and stared right at him. The amusement in those cold eyes was palpable, and Sasuke's hatred flared. With his intense stare, the younger Uchiha didn't miss those eyes shifted slightly, focusing on something other than him. There was a flash of interest in those eyes as their focus settled, followed by a calculating glint.

Hn.

The last person his brother stared at this way was that surfer boyfriend of his, Kisame or whatever, before they broke up. Who could've caught Itachi's attention now?

Curious, Sasuke followed that sharp gaze, trailing Itachi's line of sight. And at the end of that line, the younger Uchiha was more than surprised to find…

---


	3. Episode 2

WARNING: (1) None of the authors have ever or ever will be studying medical science. All medical aspects of this fiction are based entirely on the authors' half-assed research and bullshitting. Input in this matter is very much welcomed, but flames are futile. (2) In the instances where you find the crack lame, the authors' suggest you laugh at the authors' lameness instead -- like the authors did when writing said lame crack. (3) The risk of sudden, random exposures to 80s rock songs in this fic is high, precaution is recommended. (4) References to classic movie and/or TV moments are not indicative towards the authors' age.

Thank you so much to our beta **bloodhill**. We couldn't have done it without you.

**O.R.**

**Episode 2**

-----------------------------------------

_And then you sense a change  
Nothing feels the same  
All your dreams are strange  
Love comes walking in_

_Some kind of alien  
Waits for the opening  
Simply pulls a string  
Love comes walking in_

_--- "Love Walks In" by Van Halen_

-----------------------------------------

Beep beep beep… Beep beep beep… Beep beep beep…

Beeeeep… Beeeeep… Beeeeep…

Two hands reached out from under the sheets towards two different bedside tables and blindly grabbed two different beepers. Both small displays on both beepers stated 'Code Blue,' making one person jump out of the bed while the other snatched the phone on his bedside table.

"O.R. Nurse Station, Tayuya speaking."

"Hatake here."

"Oh, yes, doctor. Your patient, Mrs. McDreamy, was just brought in by her husband five minutes ago. According to Mr. McDreamy, her water broke about fifteen minutes ago but there's hemorrhaging as well. The E.R. on-call doctor is stopping the bleeding and stabilizing her right now."

"Prep her. I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

Kakashi left his bed and walked straight into the bathroom. After spending no more than two minutes there to wash his face and brush his teeth, Kakashi grabbed his jeans, white shirt and surgical mask from the walk-in closet that was side by side with the bathroom and put them on as fast as he could.

Once he was sure he had his wallet and keys with him, Kakashi opened his bedroom door the same time another door further along the hallway was opened to reveal Genma Shiranui. The brown haired anesthesiologist was already in his usual grunge-fashion attire, complete with the_ matching_ flannel shirt and Converse sneakers that changed color everyday. How his housemate could manage to be stylish in less than five minutes was beyond him.

Yes, this was that other man whose beeper also went off with Code Blue.

You see, about ten minutes by car -- depending on traffic -- from Konoha University Hospital, stood a really cool-looking house by the beach. In it lived three young, successful, single, male doctors. The beach house was big enough to accommodate three men without them having to impinge each other's personal space -- four bedrooms that had their own bathrooms, spacious kitchen and dining room, ridiculously large living room, and a garage big enough to house up to three cars although now it was only used to keep one car and one motorcycle -- and a view to die for. It had a wooden walkway reaching the ocean which, currently, was used to harbor a boat that belonged to one of the occupants.

So yes, since those three doctors were actually two surgeons and one anesthesiologist who worked in the same hospital, it was very common for them to get called-in at the same time to handle the same emergency. In fact, once the hospital sent an ambulance to pick them up just to get the kick out of it.

Now, back to the story, considering his sleepy state, Kakashi realized that riding a car was much more sensible than riding his Ducati. They were both going to the same place anyway, so he might as well ride with Genma in the man's jeep.

"I'll ride with you," he said to Genma as they rushed down the stairs.

Genma dangled his keys in front of Kakashi with a grin, making the Tuohy needle between his teeth point upward. "Only if you're driving."

Kakashi rolled his eyes and snatched the keys. "Hmph, fine. Let's go."

"Hey, Kakashi, you think we should wake Pineapple Head up?" asked Genma as they reached the kitchen.

"What for?"

"So he'd be awake too? It's only fair, man."

"Don't you think we're a little too old for that kind of game?"

"I know _I'm_ not. Don't know about you though."

Unlocking the door that led to the garage, Kakashi chuckled. "Whatever. Just leave him a note. Tell him to ride my bike when he goes to work later."

"Slow day?" Genma asked as he scribbled the note.

"I don't have that many operations scheduled," answered Kakashi, stepping out and in to the garage. "You and Shikamaru will most likely have more on your plate. I don't want to have to wait for you guys before I can go home."

"You can always take Shikamaru's example; take the bus or grab a cab."

"And take away the pride of being 'the only person with 500 K income still using public transportation because he's too lazy to drive and take care of his own vehicle' from him?" Kakashi hollered from the garage, climbing into the driver seat of Genma's black Range Rover and igniting the engine. "What kind of monster do you think I am?"

Genma just laughed as he posted the note on the refrigerator with a pineapple-shaped magnet. He then went in to the garage and hopped in to the passenger seat. He barely had his seatbelt fastened when Kakashi backed the car out and they were on their way to the hospital. As the car sped along the road, both men knew it was time to get serious.

"Start talking, doctor Hatake."

"Name McDreamy, thirty five years old, first child, brought in ten minutes ago. Pregnancy was normal, already reached her thirty-sixth week, but apparently not so good in the end. Water broke twenty minutes ago but there's hemorrhaging. E.R. is stabilizing her right now. I'm guessing they had pumped at least one or two units of blood into her."

"Still, she lost a lot of blood. I prefer her conscious during the operation."

"Agreed."

"Any allergies?"

"Except for penicillin, none."

"Then epidural is the best option," Genma stated. He went quiet for a while before suddenly asking, "By the way, 'McDreamy'? What kind of a name is that?"

Kakashi just snickered as he expertly parked the big jeep at the almost-empty parking lot. It was six in the morning, after all. After they got off the car, Genma and Kakashi went straight into the locker room and changed in to scrubs before walking towards the O.R. in full speed. Good doctors never run.

Meanwhile, Shino -- who was on night shift with some of the other first year residents -- didn't have anything to do at the time. He took the chance to watch the emergency caesarian procedure and quietly walked towards the observation room above Operating Room 3. He stopped in his tracks when he heard a yawn beside him.

"Inuzuka?"

Kiba blinked. "Huh?"

"What are you doing here?"

Still half asleep, the Inuzuka rubbed his eyes. "I want to watch the surgery, too."

Shino went silent for a while before pointing out, "You weren't on night shift."

"Yeah," Kiba answered with a shrug, suddenly feeling somewhat defensive. "So what?"

Catching something off but never been one who would ask questions about other people's personal problems, Shino decided to stay quiet and continued walking.

When Kakashi and Genma reached the O.R., Tayuya and another O.R. nurse named Karin were already in their scrubs and had everything prepared. As the two doctors sanitized their hands in the scrub room, Tayuya filled them in with the last condition of the patient while Karin accompanied the patient.

"She's stabilized, doctors. B.P. one hundred and ten over eighty, H.R. sixty five. She got a blood transfusion earlier."

"How many?" asked Genma who needed to know everything about the patient's last status to precisely calculate his anesthetics.

"Two units."

"Have you contacted the pediatric floor?" asked Kakashi.

"Yes, sir."

"Okay, let's do this."

Genma was the first one who stepped into the O.R., followed by Kakashi and Tayuya. As Karin helped him put on his surgical gown and mask, he greeted the patient.

"Good morning, Mrs. McDreamy. My name is doctor Shiranui and I'll be your anesthesiologist today. I need to confirm several things before we begin the operation."

Mrs. McDreamy nodded. Her face and lips were still a little pale but the monitor showed that she was in a good condition, considering what she had just been through.

"You don't have any allergies beside penicillin?"

"No, doctor."

"Excellent. Your weight?"

"One hundred and fifty one."

"Okay. Now I need you to listen to me carefully, Mrs. McDreamy. You've lost a lot of blood because of the hemorrhaging. That's why it would be safer for you and the baby if you stay conscious during the operation."

She got even paler and Genma couldn't blame her for being afraid. For certain people, the cold, sterile feel of the O.R. could be intimidating. He approached the operating table and unleashed the charm that was known to have _never_ failed in distracting a patient. "I know you're scared, but trust me, you won't feel any pain. Before you know it, everything will be over and we'll be celebrating the birth of your first child."

"Listen to him, Mrs. McDreamy, and smile. McDreamy Junior would love to see mommy smile when he sees her for the first time," said Kakashi.

Little by little, a smile began to form in those pale lips.

"That's better. Shall we begin?"

"Lidocaine," Genma murmured to Karin, who immediately handed him a syringe.

Helped by the two nurses, Mrs. McDreamy was put into a sitting position while Genma swabbed the lower part of the patient's back with iodine-damped cotton ball before injecting the lidocaine into the skin to numb it. He prepared a calculated amount of bupivacaine while waiting for the lidocaine to kick in before taking a Tuohy needle from the surgical tray, ready to begin the epidural anesthesia procedure.

"Relax your back and hold your breath," instructed the anesthesiologist as he expertly inserted the long needle right into the interspinous ligament until he could hear the soft 'pop' sound, indicating that the needle had reached its destination. Then he carefully threaded an epidural catheter through the needle. Once the catheter was securely planted, he removed the needle, plugged in the syringe tube with the bupivacaine in it, and injected the substance. The whole process didn't take more than thirty seconds, and once again Mrs. McDreamy was laid down on her back.

Karin handed Genma a needle without being asked and he waited a few moments before pushing it gently into the patient's abdomen several times. "Can you feel that?"

"No."

Genma turned his head towards Kakashi. "She's ready, doctor. Do your thing."

"Scalpel," Kakashi said after nodding to Genma, holding out his right hand. Just like all certified O.R. nurses, Tayuya didn't need the surgeon to be specific for her to know _which_ scalpel was requested. She quickly put the scalpel with number ten blade in Kakashi's hand.

Kakashi was making his clean transverse cut just above Mrs. McDreamy's bladder when the sounds of someone entering the room were heard.

"Glad you can finally join us here, Doug," he greeted casually, not even bothering to look up from what he was doing. "Suction."

"Um, I'm not doctor Ross. My name is Iruka Umino, the new pediatrician," said the new person. Karin put down the clipboard where she kept track of the equipments and supplies being used. Then she proficiently took out clean surgical robe and mask from the autoclave before approaching the new doctor.

Curiosity got into Kakashi, making him turn his head to Iruka's direction just seconds before the nurse put a surgical mask on the pediatrician's face, and he got a glimpse of that tanned skin and full lips.

Thunderbolt struck. Again.

As hard as Kakashi tried to tear his eyes off the stunning sight in front of him, he found that he couldn't. He was pretty sure he was gaping beneath his mask, and he could only hope he wasn't drooling. He didn't even realize that he had given his scalpel back to Tayuya.

"Ahem," Genma cleared his throat. "Doctor Shiranui to doctor Hatake, we have one McDreamy Junior here waiting to see the outside world."

Kakashi blinked.

After blinking again several times, he finally murmured, "Scalpel."

Iruka, now robed and masked, moved to stand unobtrusively near the operating table, slightly behind the surgeon. He was set and ready to receive the newborn as soon as the baby comes out. "I wasn't supposed to be on duty before the formal introduction at nine this morning. It just so happens that I came in early to set up my side of the office, and there aren't any other pediatricians at the moment. I'm _so_ sorry I'm late. I tried to get here as soon as I could."

"It's okay. You're entitled to be late," replied Kakashi rather sweetly as he made a deep incision in the abdominal muscle. He was about to reach his goal of cutting open the uterus and pulling the baby out. "Suction."

"Thanks. Are you always this tolerant to pediatricians?"

"Only to those with high-quality gluteus maximus."

Genma had to fake some coughing to cover his abrupt laughter. What the hell was Kakashi_ doing_? If that was supposed to be a pick-up line, he was screwed.

"Excuse me?" Iruka hissed with an icy tone, eyes narrowing. "Did you just comment my _ass_? In front of a patient?"

Tayuya and Karin raised their eyebrows.

The loud cries of a newborn baby filled the O.R., taking everyone's attention away from the surgeon and to the baby. Kakashi expertly cut the umbilical cord before putting the newborn in Iruka's arms, making sure that the cute doctor's attention stayed with the baby instead of shifting back to him. Just to be safe, he decided to move on with closing up the incision. Hopefully he got lucky and doctor Umino would forget the whole 'gluteus maximus' incident by the time everything was done.

"Catgut."

Tayuya gave him the number two catgut along with the proper needle.

"Is… is he o-okay?" asked Mrs. McDreamy with tears glistening in her eyes.

"The pediatrician is checking on him now, but I'm sure he's fine," answered Kakashi reassuringly while his hands skillfully sutured the uterus wall.

Up in the observation room, Kiba was watching with bright, amazed eyes. Cut here, cut there, pull the baby out. He murmured a bit dreamily, "That was so damn cool."

Shino, who had been concentrating on the operation all the while, turned to look at his companion as he heard the voice. That was when he noticed how tired and worn-out Kiba looked. There were dark circles under his eyes, and he looked pale. It hadn't even been two weeks since their residency began. Although they had to keep up with impossible studying and working hours, being called 'in-house staff' by the surgeons and nurses because they had to practically _lived_ in the hospital, Kiba shouldn't be this exhausted. Moreover, why was the man here when he wasn't on last night's shift?

Out of habit, although Shino himself didn't know why, he asked, "What's wrong with you?"

Kiba tore his eyes away from the operation below and focused them on his usually-quiet friend. "What do you mean? Nothing's wrong with me."

"You look like shit."

"Oh, wow. Thanks a lot."

"Seriously. You look like you haven't slept in days. And why are you here at this hour when you weren't even here for last night's shift?"

A staring contest ensued, in which Kiba finally sighed resignedly, "I'm fine, Aburame. I'm here 'coz I spent the night here."

"…"

"_Okay_, okay, I confess," wailed the Inuzuka as he broke down under Shino's flat stare. "Just don't tell anyone, okay? I don't want to get kicked out."

"Kicked out?"

"Yeah, well, I don't think this hospital allows freeloading."

"Freeloading? You live here? Literally?"

"Uh-huh. My mom disowned me when I told her I got accepted here."

Unused to other people confiding in him, Shino didn't know what to say to that news. Finally, being the analytical, realistic guy that he was, he decided to just stick with the actual problem. "You haven't found an apartment after all this time?"

Kiba grumped quietly, somewhat embarrassed. "I can't afford an apartment. My mom cut off my allowance."

"What happened to your salary?"

"Are you kidding, man? I can't afford an apartment with that."

"There are lots of cheap apartments around here."

"I've seen them, yeah, but they're far from habitable. I mean, you can reach the kitchen after only taking two steps from the bedroom which is, of course, look more like a closet than a bedroom. In fact, it's more like kitchen-slash-living room-slash-every other room. And the bathroom? Geez! Seriously, how can people…"

Shino then remembered that, although he was never close with Kiba throughout med school and internship, he knew the man was from a wealthy family from those sport cars and expensive clothing. And apparently, this trust-fund-baby refused to let go of his previous lifestyle.

Deciding that Kiba wasn't worth his time since he couldn't do anything to help anyway, Shino ignored the rest of his friend's rant and turn his attention back to the operation where the surgeon was done with the internal organ and muscle tissues and was ready to close up the skin.

"Silk," Kakashi said, and Tayuya obligingly gave him the requested suture with the proper needle.

Iruka waited until Kakashi was finished with his job, right down to cleaning up the operated area and dressing the wound, before he walked closer to the operating table with the newborn in his arms.

"Mrs. McDreamy, meet your son. 7.4 pounds, 53 cm, and very healthy. Congratulations," Iruka said sweetly as he carefully laid the baby boy on her chest.

She was downright sobbing. "Oh, thank you… Thank you _so_ much."

With nothing else to do, Kakashi's attention was once again drawn to Iruka. He watched the pediatrician's every move as the tanned, kind man talked softly with his patient.

Genma, who didn't miss Kakashi's thunderstruck condition, made the last checks on the patient's vital signs before chuckling quietly to his friend, "High-quality gluteus maximus, huh? Most people say 'nice ass,' but yours sounds better. Makes you look smart."

"Shut up."

-----------------------------------------

"Guys, you are _not_ going to believe this," Karin's voice rang inside the O.R. nurse locker room, among giggling and morning greetings, as the nurses from last night and the ones who were going to be on duty starting this morning met.

Ten Ten, who was pulling her hair up in to two buns, looked away from the mirror behind her locker door to Karin. "Why? What happened?"

"Oh, yeah," Tayuya was the one who answered, chuckling as she combed her pink hair. "There was an urgent caesarian earlier, you know, around six or so?"

Kurenai looked up from her clipboard. "I'm reading your report about that right now. What of it? Wait, would this have anything to do with the new pediatrician? That doctor…" she looked at the clipboard again, "Umino?"

Karin could barely hold her laughter. "Yep. You can say that."

Tayuya snickered with her. "Or, to be more specific, his… what was it again, Karin?"

"Gluteus maximus! Gyahahaha!"

The other nurses in the room stared as the two women guffawed, supporting each other as they struggled to remain upright.

"What are you two talking about?" Ten Ten asked impatiently. It was already well passed eight, she had to assist an operation at ten and she hadn't had breakfast yet.

"Apparently," answered Tayuya as she wheezed. "That's doctor-speak for 'ass.'"

"Doctor Hatake," Karin chimed in, still giggling, "told doctor Umino that he has a nice butt… in Latin!"

Kurenai's lips started to twitch as laughter struggled to come out. "He _didn't_."

Tayuya had to take a deep breath. "Oh, he _did_. Doctor Umino didn't take it all that well though. Doctor Hatake was lucky they were in surgery or the guy would've punched his lights out."

"Well,_ obviously_," Ten Ten guffawed. "What was doctor Hatake thinking?"

"He wasn't," Karin commented as she took off her uniform and put on a shirt. "If you ask me, I think he's been watching too much of those gay porn of his."

The nurses laughed giddily, knowing that the incident would most likely be public knowledge by the end of the day. Oh, they couldn't _wait_ to see this new gossip spread like wildfire in the cafeteria at lunchtime.

-----------------------------------------

Neji just got out of his car, satisfied at himself for arriving at precisely nine o'clock, when he saw a drool-worthy black motorcycle being parked smoothly not far from him. Like most guys, doctor Neji Hyuuga could get all excited over such machines. However, he was never the type to just up and go chat with some rider about their bike, so he just watched this one offhandedly while locking his car door. That is, until the man took off his helmet, making Neji feel like he just hit the jackpot.

It was him! The sexy guy with the pineapple head! Although, upon further inspection, that head didn't look anything like any fruit now. Not that Neji was complaining. If anything, the guy looked even better with his hair down. The Hyuuga could've _sworn_ he was watching slow-motion when the man put his helmet on the gas tank between his thighs, shook his head and ran a hand through his hair before pulling it up into its customary ponytail.

As he watched that person get off the bike, shrug off his slim, black, leather jacket and put it next to the helmet before unstrapping his black shoulder bag from the rear part of the bike's dual seat and wear it diagonally, Neji contemplated approach. He had never done that before, seeing as he was never the talkative type -- except when he was talking to a grave -- much less the flirty type. He was used to having men or women come on to him, not the other way around. But still, how bad could it be?

Decision made, Neji approached the Ducati and its rider. "That's a Monster 695, right?"

The man turned to him and raised an eyebrow. "Yes."

"Nice ride," Neji garbled, desperately trying to think up what else he could say. "Listen, I, um, I was wondering-"

_"Pick up your god damn phone, lazy asshole! Pick up your god damn phone, lazy asshole! Pick up your god damn…"_

The man pulled a cellphone -- that was still telling him to pick up his 'god damn phone' with a somewhat familiar voice, Neji noted -- out of nowhere before saying, "Sorry, I have to get this."

Since it was obvious that the guy wasn't interested in him, Neji had no idea what to do other than try to salvage his pride. "No, it's okay. I also have to get going."

The man nodded to him before ending his phone's incessant swearing and answered it, seemingly already forgetting the Hyuuga was even there. "Yeah?"

Neji left the man to his conversation rather dejectedly. Oh, well, it was worth the try. Taking one last look, he noticed that the guy was once again wearing black denim pants and turtleneck pullover. He vaguely wondered if it was just a coincidence that this person happened to be wearing that ensemble every time he stumbled into his vision, or if he had no other clothes. Smirking at his own thoughts as he walked away, Neji could still hear some words in that voice he was glad he could finally hear.

"…The worst pick-up line known to mankind? …What do you mean it's in Latin? …Are you with him now? …I'm on my way."

-----------------------------------------

Shino was all set in his habitual overcoat-sunglasses combo, ready to go home to get a bit of sleep before going back to the hospital for more classes and work. He locked his locker door and turned around to find Kiba rustling around the corner. After taking a moment to take a better look, he noticed that his fellow resident was busy rolling a sleeping bag near a large, opened backpack which was showing its contents' state of disarray. It was like some sort of nest, and it seemed like the Inuzuka put everything away every morning so no one would notice.

Puzzled, the Aburame approached his colleague. "You would rather live like this than in a small apartment?"

Kiba looked up and frowned. "Well… yeah."

"I don't understand. In an apartment, no matter how dingy you think it is, you would still be sleeping on a bed and have a closet to store your belongings."

"But I'd have to _pay_ for it."

"You have the money."

"It's not worth it," Kiba grumped with a childish pout. "If I have to pay for an apartment, it has to be a good one."

That logic was lost on Shino. The way Kiba suddenly looked up at him with puppy eyes, however, wasn't. Oh, shit.

"Hey, what about _your_ place? You have any extra room?"

Shino wanted to say no, really he did, but as those brown eyes locked with his, full of hope, he couldn't stop his mouth from blurting out, "Yes."

"You do? Really? Wait, what's your apartment look like?"

Suddenly feeling his pride bruised, though he didn't know why or how, Shino gave the man currently kneeling in front of him his patented flat stare. "It's a two-bedroom apartment, so it's quite spacey. My roommate left right after internship's finished so the other room's unoccupied."

"That sounds great! I can move in, yeah? Yeah?"

"…"

"Please?"

"…"

"Come on, Aburame, buddy. I swear I won't be any trouble. I'll… I'll pay half the rent. Please, let me be your new roommate, pleeeeease?"

Apparently, Shino thought as he tried to get his mouth to function so he could say something, Kiba Inuzuka was unaware of the effect of having an attractive person begging to your dick. Seriously, those lips were so damn close to his groin he could feel Kiba's breath through his pants _and_ overcoat. This wasn't good.

"Pen and paper," he finally croaked.

Kiba tilted his head in confusion -- and nearly made Shino faint -- as he asked, "What?".

After gulping loudly, Shino tried again. "Pen and paper. You'll need directions."

"Oh… OH! Of course!" Kiba practically squealed in both relief and delight. He rummaged inside his backpack for the requested items, rambling, "Thanks a lot, man. You have _no_ idea how much this means to me. You just saved my life!"

Shino's mind was still filled with Kiba's 'Oh… OH!' and pictures of the Inuzuka as a hentai screamer when the pen and paper were shoved in to his hands. He scribbled the address and directions dazedly, not caring whether or not it was actually eligible. He _really_ needed to find some 'entertainment' later after he get some sleep.

"I'll talk to the super. When you go there tonight, just tell him who you are and he'll give you the keys. Do _not_ enter the room on the right. It's mine," Shino rambled uncharacteristically, still trying to get his perverted mind to stop being perverted.

After taking back the pen and paper, Kiba smiled brightly and envelope the other man in a bear hug. "Thank you! Thank you! God, I love you!"

Trying to breathe under Kiba's assault, the only thing Shino could think of was 'Fuck sleep. I need that entertainment _now!_'

-----------------------------------------

Within his one-year-plus time as a surgical resident, Neji had never had the chance to see doctor Shikamaru Nara. He had watched some operations from way up there, but none of them were performed by the so-called 'Lazy Genius'. Now, for his first time assisting in the O.R., the attending physician was that exact person. It was only a vasectomy, but he would still be able to see if the man was really as good as everyone said he was. Fate was finally kind to him.

Neji wasn't planning to say anything or even show his dislike. He was just curious about the elusive surgeon; what the guy looked like and all that. Since doctor Nara had been a surgeon for five years, the man must be in his late thirties at least. Was he the type that grew old nicely, or the type that was already balding and flabby? Considering this person was famous for being lazy, the Hyuuga surmised it was the later and scoffed to himself.

"…on my way to O.R. 7 right now. Tell doctor Shiranui I'll be right there."

Neji snapped to attention at the sound of that voice. It belonged to that person he liked. The man just said he was on his way to Operating Room 7, the same room the Hyuuga was going to. And he was expected by doctor Shiranui, which meant the guy must be a resident in Anesthesiology. Wow. Fate really _was_ being kind to him.

As the man hung up the phone on the O.R. Nurse Station desk and walked away, Neji sped up his pace to catch up. "Hello."

Doctor Shikamaru Nara, who wasn't in a good mood to begin with after spending almost an hour in Anesthesiology Department listening to the oh-so-many ways Kakashi could describe the utter cuteness of the new pediatrician, looked at the man who suddenly appeared beside him with distaste. It was the resident who had tried to kiss his ass this morning, and if there was anything that he hated more than Doogie Howser, it was residents who liked to kiss ass. "Yes?"

"I couldn't help overhearing that you're going to O.R. 7," Neji smiled. "So am I."

Right. The Nara remembered now that his ten o'clock was supposed to be an educational moment for some second year resident named Hyuuga. He was starting to regret his decision to finally help with teaching this year. "Hm."

The air was getting awkward. "So, um, what year are you? You're a resident in Anesthesiology, right? I'm second year, by the way. In general surgery."

Shikamaru blinked. Was this guy serious? He looked at Neji intently, trying to see if the man wasn't just playing some sort of trick, and true enough, he found nothing but plain curiosity in those strangely-colored eyes. Besides, no resident would be suicidal enough to pull a prank on an attending physician. Shit, this person really_ didn't_ know who he was. So then, why was he…?

Oh.

The Nara was caught between amazement and disbelief. This person was unbelievably good-looking so hell, yeah, he was interested. However, this was the first time anyone had ever shown any interest in him_ before_ knowing about his genius and/or his job and/or his income. And a person _this_ hot? The young surgeon decided to thread carefully. Test the waters, so to speak.

Responding to the Hyuuga's last sentence, Shikamaru directed his gaze to Neji's pink, flowery scrub cap and smirked. "I noticed."

"Yeah," Neji shrugged sheepishly, a bit embarrassed about his uniform. "They said they gave us this cap because we're all guys. You have it easy."

"I wouldn't know about that." Shikamaru smiled, knowing what Neji meant but couldn't resist teasing him. "Anesthesiology could be tricky."

"Oh, no, I didn't mean it _that_ way. It's just that… well, at least they don't make you wear pink scrubs and funny caps."

"You don't like your cap?"

"It's soft pink. It has pink flower patterns. What do _you_ think?"

Shikamaru chuckled and looked at Neji up and down. "Hm… you're right. It doesn't suit you."

"Tell me something I don't know," Neji sighed. "So what year are you? I've noticed you ever since I entered residency last year; are you in your second year too?"

"You've been watching me?"

"No, _no_, it wasn't like that. It was just, you know, sometimes I saw you passing by or… uh…" the Hyuuga trailed off in defeat, struggling his damnedest to stop the blush he knew was creeping up his face. "Come on, you know what I mean."

What Neji_didn't_ know was that Shikamaru hadn't missed the suppressed blush, and to say the Nara was delighted would be an understatement. The Hyuuga really _did_ like him. Not his brain, not his status, not his money. Flattered, warmed and giddy all at the same time, the usually cynical doctor Shikamaru Nara didn't even realize he was smiling a true happy smile for the first time in almost ten years.

"Sure," he said ambiguously, making the Hyuuga flushed all the more.

Neji cleared his throat and tried to change the subject. "So, um, you've worked with doctor Nara before, right? What do you think about him?"

"I… don't know. Why?"

"Well, I've never even seen him before, but I've heard about him. I'm just curious, I guess. What does he look like?"

"What do you _think_ he looks like?" asked Shikamaru with a wicked smile.

"Hm… let me see… I think… he's an ugly, fat, bald virgin."

Shikamaru's sudden, loud guffaw nearly made Neji jump. "You seriously think that?"

Neji laughed too. "Everyone said he's the laziest person on Earth. I figured he should at least be fat, right?"

Still snickering, Shikamaru said, "He's not fat, he's not bald and he's no virgin. Ugly or not is a matter of taste, so I leave that up to you. I think he might be your taste though."

"You think so? Why? Does he look anything like you?"

Shikamaru's eyes twinkled and Neji was hit with the realization of what he just said.

Holy hell, what was he thinking? This time, the Hyuuga didn't give the annoying blush a chance before launching to damage control. "Ahem, anyway, I didn't catch your name. Mine's Neji Hyuuga, what's yours?"

"Doctor Nara, doctor Hyuuga," Ten Ten greeted both of them with a grin outside the door leading to Operating Room 7 which, apparently, they had reached without realizing it. "The patient's prepped and ready. Doctor Shiranui just finished scrubbing."

Neji didn't know if he was just stupid or in denial, but he actually looked back to see if doctor Nara was walking behind them.

There was nobody there.

Oh, my fucking _God!_

"Come on, doctor Hyuuga," Shikamaru moved along, desperately trying not to laugh at Neji's fish-out-of-water expression. "Wouldn't want to keep the patient waiting, would we?"

In the scrub room, sanitizing his hands, Neji managed to gather his composure. He didn't even _dare_ to look at Shikamaru, so he didn't know the man was actually studying him with a soft smile all the while. Finally, after taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, the Hyuuga turned to his professor with determination.

"Doctor Nara," he said resolutely. "I apologize for… what happened. I swear it was a misunderstanding, as I had no idea who you were. I meant no disrespect. I'm-"

"Relax, Hyuuga," Shikamaru snorted. "You're not in any trouble. I was the one who duped you so I'm the one who should apologize. But, since you're a resident and I'm an attending physician -- which means you're a cockroach and I'm God, I won't."

"Um…" Neji didn't know if he was supposed to thank or punch the guy. "Yes, sir."

"Now," the Nara went to surgeon-mode. "I know this is your first time being involved in actual surgery, so here's what's going to happen. You will do everything I tell you, quickly and correctly. You will observe _quietly_, because this is a small operation and the patient will be fully conscious and alert. He knows you're still studying, but if he hears your questions he'll freak out. Save it for later. Take notes if necessary. Is that clear?"

Glad that they would jump right into business, the Hyuuga nodded briskly. "Yes, doctor."

"Patient is one Zaku Abumi, twenty nine years old, in perfect condition and no allergies. So, ready to cut some balls, Hyuuga?"

Neji was in no mental state to laugh or even smile. "Yes, sir."

Shikamaru was a bit disappointed that he couldn't make Neji smile again, but he let it go. They had a patient to sterilize.

"Hello again, Mr. Abumi. Are you ready?" he greeted as he entered the small O.R., trying not to move so Ten Ten could dress him in surgical gown and mask without hindrance.

Lying on his back on the operating table, the patient smiled nervously. "Ready as I'll ever be."

Taking his place at the right side of the operating table, Shikamaru took a cursory look at the tray next to him. Satisfied that it had all the equipments he would need, from scalpels to forceps to sutures and their respective needles, he talked to the patient. "I trust doctor Shiranui had introduced himself?"

Genma chuckled as he prepared syringes filled with precisely calculated amounts of lignocaine. "Of course I have. Mr. Abumi and I are practically buddies now."

The relaxed atmosphere making him lose some of his nervousness, Zaku smiled wider and tried a joke of his own. "Well, if I'm going to let a guy stick something in me I should at least know his name, right?"

All medical personnel in the room, including Neji and Ten Ten who just approached the table and took their places after they were done with Neji's surgical gown and mask, froze in awkward silence.

Zaku, who just realized what he had implied and was now nervous for a whole different reason, cleared his throat.

Genma blinked. "Wait, you're _gay_?"

"Uh… yeah."

"Then… what's the vasectomy for?"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "Doctor Shiranui, I believe Mr. Abumi has his own _personal_ reasons. Mr. Abumi, this is doctor Hyuuga who'll be assisting me. Doctor Hyuuga, please prepare the area."

Neji, who knew exactly what to do since he had prepared himself all night, quickly picked up the supplies he would need. He nearly dropped everything when the patient suddenly spoke, "Um, actually, I have a perfectly good reason for this."

"Would you mind telling us?" Genma asked in honest curiosity.

"No, it's okay. It's quite a long story though."

To say everyone was interested would be an understatement. However, since they were supposed to avoid jokes or alarming topics and keep the atmosphere boring, Shikamaru derailed the conversation. "Mr. Abumi, please try to remain as still as possible during the procedure. If you feel any discomfort or pain, don't hesitate to tell us, and please just speak instead of moving any limb or trying to help."

"Um, okay."

Genma wouldn't have any of that though. "Story! Great! I like stories."

As Neji positioned himself to do his job, Shikamaru droned, "Now, Mr. Abumi, we're going to swab the operating area with antiseptic. It's cold in the beginning, but you'll feel a slight burning sensation for a few minutes as it dries. Please don't be alarmed."

Apparently, Zaku would rather put himself in denial and pretend that he was talking with some guy in a bar than admitting that he was talking to doctors in an operating room. It stopped him from being nervous, so what the hell. He said to Genma, "You see, a couple of months ago, my ex-boyfriend went to this party…"

Shikamaru noticed that his patient's penis and scrotum were covered by dressing towels, indicating that Neji was done. He interrupted the story, "Mr. Abumi, please be aware that although you won't feel any pain, you _will_ feel some pushing and pulling. Again, please speak up if you feel any actual pain."

"Sure, doctor. Now where was I? Oh, yeah, the party. It was damn wild…"

Watching Shikamaru retract the penis upwards by pulling a dressing towel then tucked a swab between scrotum and thighs, Neji knew that next was the tricky part. From the journals he had read and the documentaries he had seen, finding a vasa deferentia -- and not lose it again -- could be torture. For the surgeon, _not_ the patient. He would see now just how good doctor Nara really was.

"Really? So the alcohol and drugs kept coming, and then what happened?"

Genma's voice distracted the Hyuuga. It was familiar, but not because he had heard doctor Shiranui spoke many times, and that was when it hit him. The ring tone! The man swearing at doctor Nara to pick up the phone was none other than doctor Genma Shiranui! Oh, he was _so_ dead. If the two doctors were _that_ close, there was no doubt that the crazy anesthesiologist would hear about what he did. Neji bit back the urge to use that scalpel on the tray to kill himself, and decided to just listen to the patient's story to forget about everything.

"Apparently, he got too damn drunk to notice anything and had sex with a woman there. It wasn't all that surprising, knowing him and the situation, but…"

"Doctor Shiranui," Shikamaru called and Genma gave him a syringe without even turning his head from the patient. "Sorry to interrupt the story, Mr. Abumi, but I have to warn you that you will feel a sting as the injection goes into the skin. It's normal and there's nothing to worry about, okay?"

"Yeah, whatever. Anyway, he was so out of it, he- Ow! That stung!"

Shikamaru was past caring about being polite. "Well, duh."

The patient didn't care either and went back to the story as Neji watched the surgeon used his right hand to inject lidocaine in several different points in and around the vasa deferentia that was gripped firmly by his left fingers, waiting a few moments before going for the deeper tissues.

"…I mean, what kind of an idiot _doesn't_ wear a condom in this day and age? He was lucky he didn't catch anything from her, but-"

"Scalpel."

Neji handed the scalpel with blade number fifteen and Ten Ten marked the paper in her clipboard.

"-he wasn't lucky enough to avoid-"

"Forceps."

Neji gave him a mosquito forceps and, like before, Ten Ten put the usage in the log.

"-getting her pregnant, so-"

"Get me the Poirier one."

"-go figure. It took her almost a month to-"

"Swab."

"-track him down and-"

"Another one."

"-when she did, she found-"

"Lignocaine."

"-out that he's gay."

"Oh, man," Genma's voice chimed in. "That's bad. Then what?"

It was obvious now that Zaku Abumi was the type that couldn't stop talking when nervous. "First she went ballistic. Then she became sad and whiny. Then-"

"Scalpel."

"-she became, like, this-"

"Catgut."

"-tough chick with her band of lawyers, ready to sue him if-"

"Mosquito forceps."

"-he didn't do as she asked. After both of them-"

"Swab."

"-got tired of all that bullshit, they called it quits and-"

"Forceps."

"-agreed to just share the kid and all expenses equally. Now they're-"

"Another one."

"-both waiting for the baby to be born. I was there through-"

"Scalpel."

"-the whole process, you know, as a friend. And I thought, man, if that were to happen to me, I'd have no idea what to do."

"So you decided to have a vasectomy just incase?"

Realizing that the voice came from the surgeon that was performing the operation and that said surgeon's hands hadn't stopped working, Zaku gulped. "Is it really okay for you to talk while you're doing… um, what _are_ you doing?"

"Tying a triple knot," answered Shikamaru blandly.

"Small operations like this one take approximately sixty percent of doctor Nara's brain capacity," Genma snickered to calm the man down again. "Since he's currently using another one percent to listen to your story and talk, can you guess what the other thirty-nine percent is doing? I'll give you a hint: It's something _very_ naughty."

Afraid to laugh although he wanted to, Zaku settled with a wide grin. "Oh, my. He takes multitasking to a whole new level, doesn't he?"

Ten Ten joined in with a wink. "He practically gives it a new meaning."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "Guys, I'm right here. By the way, Mr. Abumi, sorry to ruin the fun, but I have to explain stuff again. Standard procedure and all that."

Zaku smiled rather seductively at the young surgeon. "I promise to listen this time."

"Oh-kay," Shikamaru said somewhat uncomfortably. Was the patient _flirting_ with him? First Kakashi, then Neji Hyuuga, now this? It seemed to be the running theme today. "I'm done with your left vas, and I'm about to repeat the process with your right one. You're going to feel that sting again. Sorry."

"It's okay. You can sting me anytime, anywhere."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow while both Ten Ten and Genma snickered.

"Er, sorry about that. It's just that you look so young and… how old are you really? Man, what am I saying? You probably don't even swing that way."

"I'm twenty seven," Shikamaru said to comfort his patient as he began probing for the right vasa deferentia. "And actually, I swing both ways."

"Oh… Wow. Young _and_ bisexual. Are you available, too?"

Genma and Ten Ten were dying. From suppressing their guffaw, that is.

"I'm in the process of _becoming_ unavailable. Lignocaine."

"Ah, I get it. So you must really like this guy, huh? Or girl?"

"Guy. And yeah, I think I really like him."

Genma promptly threw Shikamaru a questioning look -- which was completely ignored.

"Damn," Zaku sighed. "So, how's the process going? Okay?"

Shikamaru chuckled. "It hardly even began."

"What do you mean? Don't tell me you haven't even come on to him yet."

"_He_ just came on to _me_. Unfortunately, he doesn't think it went well. And I haven't had the chance to tell him otherwise."

"Too busy playing surgeon?"

"You can say that. Doesn't matter though. I'll sort this out even if it kills me."

"Geez. I don't have that much of a chance, do I?"

"More like no chance at all. Sorry."

"Oh, well. Can't blame a guy for trying. So is he hot? What's he look like?"

"_Very_ hot. Nice frame, long hair, uniquely-colored eyes. Poirier forceps please, doctor Hyuuga."

Neji was dying. From embarrassment, that is.

-----------------------------------------

There was only one thing in doctor Genma Shiranui's mind, and that was a chance to be alone in his office. He was dead tired, and he wanted to take a nap for at least an hour before undergoing the last operation in his schedule with doctor Anko Mitarashi this afternoon.

Meningioma resection was a tricky and long surgery that called for a tricky anesthesia procedure. Someone under general anesthesia wasn't supposed to be sitting up in a thirty degrees angle, but that was the position needed by the neurosurgeon to be able to cut open the skull and removed the tumor. Genma knew that that kind of operation required his top performance, so he really needed his rest.

The anesthesiologist didn't get any sleep after the urgent caesarian like he had intended to. Kakashi wouldn't stop talking about the super-cute new pediatrician, lingering in Genma's office, reciting 'Iruka This Iruka That' for hours. And when Shikamaru arrived at nine and joined them, the gay porn addict took that chance to inform Pineapple Head about the new doctor all over again. They had a good laugh over the 'Gluteus Maximus' incident, but 'Iruka This Iruka That Act 2' had taken another hour. By the time Kakashi was done pouring his heart out to his best friends, it was time for Genma to aid another surgery.

Sure he didn't really do much since it was only a vasectomy. He actually had a habit of asking the guys in administration to schedule him in those kinds of surgeries because he didn't have to concentrate too hard in them. Vasectomies -- where he could just slack off or chat with the patient -- were his personal favorite, especially if the surgeon was Shikamaru. This particular vasectomy turned out to be exciting, too, mainly when he heard that, apparently, his young friend had a rather serious love interest. Too bad the guy refused to elaborate further and just said, "Don't you have a patient or something?"

Which was true, unfortunately. That was what made things worse. As fun as the vasectomy was, it wasn't rest. And it was followed by his eleven o'clock appointment, which was a terminal cancer patient who was sent to him by Sarutobi Jr. since Genma was a pain medicine specialist. Afterwards, he had a short teaching session with his two residents. No rest for the wicked.

Drained and worn out, doctor Shiranui walked towards his office in full speed, avoiding his colleagues as much as he could along the way. Once he closed the wooden door securely behind him, he let out a relieved sigh and dumped himself onto the big sofa. Oh, it felt so damn good.

Knock knock.

Genma swore as he forced himself to sit. He just couldn't believe his bad luck. "Come in!"

Two men and one woman in their early twenties stepped into the office. One of them, the young man who somehow reminded him of Asuma in their med school years, greeted him politely, "Excuse us, doctor Shiranui."

"Yes?"

"Um, we're here on assignment. Doctor Ebisu told us in his class that good doctors always make a complete background check on a patient's medical history before making any medical decision. He, um, also mentioned that you're the best in this field. So we thought we could… um…"

"Come here for some pointers?"

"Yes, sir."

Genma could tell by the way they smiled at him that these midgets were really excited to meet him. In a different situation, he might return their excitement with one of his own, but now he just couldn't put up with it. He was exhausted and he needed some sleep, but these little devils had ruined it. Since he was denied of sleep, he could just forget about the whole thing and take full advantage of the situation, right? Besides, it had been a while since he pulled a prank on medical students. This should be fun.

"I see. Why don't you guys introduce yourselves first?"

"I'm Konohamaru Sarutobi."

"Hey…! You're Asuma's nephew, right?"

"Yes, doctor."

"And you?" asked Genma to the brown haired young man with glasses.

"Udon, sir."

"And the beautiful lady here?"

"Moegi, sir," answered the orange-haired student with eyes full of admiration. "I just want to say that it's such an honor to meet you, sir. We've heard so much about you."

Genma awarded her with one of his charming smile before he walked towards his desk and sat behind it. "Why don't all of you sit on that couch so we can start right away?"

The three med students sat on the sofa and took out their notebooks eagerly.

"Okay, first rule of taking a patient's history is there's no such thing as too many questions. In order to heal them, you need to know what's wrong with them. And to do that you have to make a prognosis. An accurate prognosis required information. A _lot_ of information."

Konohamaru, Udon and Moegi listened to Genma's words attentively, their hands busy scribbling in their notebooks.

"As an anesthesiologist, I need to have as much detailed information as possible on the patient before I can decide which anesthesia or analgesia to use; their symptoms, age, weight, medication history and, if they have any, allergies. But remember, not every patient is aware of their allergies. That's what the tests are for. Understood?"

Three head nodded, and Genma continued with his lecture.

"Now, a patient's medical history is not the _only_ thing that you must always check. Their parents' medical history is just as important. I don't need to remind you about the countless genetic and hereditary diseases out there, do I? What's _also_ important is the patient's personal background, such as eating habit and life style, including their sex life. You never know which information's going to save their life. So don't take any chances, just collect information as much as you can. Any questions?"

Moegi raised her hand.

"Yes?"

"What if the patient refuses to share that kind information? Some of the things you mentioned earlier are very personal."

"True. That's why you need to learn the art of being persuasive, my dear."

"The art of being persuasive?" asked three of them in unison.

"You need to learn the art of convincing the patient that it's important for doctors to know everything about them. The problem is you can't learn this skill from books or class. The best way is to practice. And that's exactly what I have in mind for you."

Genma got off his chair calmly and walked towards the students who instantly also got on their feet. "This is a huge hospital and we're never short of patients. So why don't you go practice those things we just discussed as soon as possible? Like right now?"

"Okay, sir. But, um, what if-"

"Be confident," said Genma, cutting Udon's -- who clearly had no confidence -- words.

"H-how?" he asked again.

"Hmm… maybe I can help by giving you something to boost your confidence."

"Really, sir?"

"Of course. Just one moment, please."

Again, the three med students nodded their head as they watched the great doctor Shiranui grabbed a spray-canister out of his desk drawer.

"Now, take a deep breath," instructed the anesthesiologist as he sprayed their faces with his special mix of nitrous dioxide. Little by little, a wicked grin was forming on Genma's face while the anesthesia did its job.

Meogi was the first one who got affected, giggling happily. But it didn't take too long before the two young men were also wiped by the euphoria which was the main effect of the laughing gas.

"Oh, I feel great," said Moegi between giggles.

"Yeah, I feel like I can do anything! Thank you very much, doctor Shiranui!" Udon started to laugh in a strange, maniacal way.

"Anytime. Now off you go, and don't forget about the personal background."

"I won't, sir. I'm definitely going to ask the patient about their sex life!" shouted Konohamaru enthusiastically.

After shoving the three little devils out of his office, Genma stood in front of the door, grinning as they waved to him with peels of joyful laughter.

And that was when doctor Raidou Namiashi, the man who had been filling his dreams for many years, walked from the opposite direction of those med students. The tall cardio surgeon stared at the trio with a critical look before he was convinced that they were high. Then he saw doctor Genma Shiranui, the person who was infamous for his anesthesia-abuse pranks, standing with a satisfied grin. It didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened.

As a person who had to work hard to get where he was now, Raidou was very serious and rather intolerant towards fun and games in a working environment. Doctors shouldn't act so unprofessionally, especially illustrious ones like Genma Shiranui. And he happened to know that doctor Shiranui was _never_ serious. How the man had gotten so highly commended was beyond him.

"Doctor Namiashi," Genma called, hoping that he could engage Raidou in a conversation.

Raidou just gave his colleague a disgusted glance and continued walking.

And for the millionth time, Genma Shiranui's heart was broken.

Tired, sleepy and now broken hearted, Genma stomped to Gynecology and Obstetrics, not caring about Jiraiya running past him or Tsunade shrieking behind him or even a shoe whizzing by near his left ear. As he entered the office, the usual erotic sounds from the room's HDTV filled his ears.

"Aren't you tired of that movie already? You must have watched it a hundred times."

"I'm doing a research."

"Yeah, right." Genma plopped on the couch beside Kakashi. "God, I need to get high…"

"Just before an operation? Are you out of your mind?"

"Maybe I am. Urgh…," Genma groaned, furiously chewing his Tuohy needle.

Kakashi started to get worried. "What happened to you?"

"Raidou happened to me."

The silver-haired doctor rolled his eyes. "Genma, he's been happening to you since we were in med school."

"I have the worst luck, you know. Every time I indulge myself in the dark side of the force, he just _has_ to be there."

"Aw, hell. Who's your victim this time, Darth Vapor?"

"A bunch of med students… what does it matter, man? The thing is Raidou hates me. In fact, when it comes to him, I feel like the whole world is against me."

"Aren't you being a little dramatic?"

"No, I'm not. Describing a scar on a new pediatrician's nose with more than ten thousand words is dramatic. Me, I'm just observant."

"Hey"

"I mean, seriously, remember how I sent him all those signals and hints back in med school? Hell, I even seriously considered smoke signals once. But he just didn't get it. Then, after he finally came back here from whatever town he moved to, we worked in the same hospital for_five_ years, and not once, not even _once_ did we get the same operation. How weird is that?"

"Hm…" Kakashi went contemplative before saying, "Maybe you should try that smoke signal."

"Shut up."

-----------------------------------------

Being the only resident in history that had managed to call an attending physician an 'ugly, fat, bald virgin' and survived to tell the tale was _not_ an achievement. Neji would know. He had done it. And while flirting with the guy at the same time, too. Sure the surgeon didn't blame him, but still… this was just messed up. Embarrassed couldn't even _begin_ to describe how he felt. He thought fate was being kind to him for once, but no, fate was just being a bitch as usual.

Neji felt like his brain was about to explode. He liked that sexy guy in black with the pineapple-shaped head, absolutely. He hated the man called doctor Nara, obviously. But just his luck, they turned out to be the same person and was actually a year younger than him. Even worse, the man in question had hinted that his misguided infatuation was actually reciprocated.

And damn it, as it turned out, Shikamaru Nara was _not_ as good as everybody said he was. He was _better_. And Neji knew that for a fact, after watching the man finished a surgery in record time with a more-than-satisfactory result. He was trapped now between feeling all fluttery in admiration and all emo in loathing. He felt both amazed_and_ disgusted. That talent, that intelligence; they were astonishing. But letting them rot in the capacity of a mere general surgeon? Use them only in vasectomies, appendectomies, hernias, or those other countless middling operations? What kind of an ungrateful, inconsiderate, thoughtless, thickskulled… uncaring…_idiotic_ ingrate could _do_ such a thing?

Imagine how that skill and brilliance would shine in something grander; something more complicated and imperative; something like… cardiothoracic surgeries. Those hands, in synch with that brainpower, would do wonders in fixing hearts -- or maybe even transplanting one. If only his father was operated by a cardio surgeon at least _half_ the caliber Shikamaru Nara could be, he wouldn't have became an orphan. Neji knew he was being illogical, melodramatic and over the top, but he was beyond caring.

Ah, doctor Nara, doctor Nara. How could one be a genius and an idiot at the same time?

Love him, hate him; what _was_ he feeling right now?

--------------------

_Just a few small tears between someone happy and one sad  
Just a thin line drawn between being a genius or insane_

_At what age begin to learn of which way out we will turn  
There's a long and winding road and the trail is there to burn_

_There's a thin line between love and hate  
Wider divide that you can see between good and bad  
There's a great place between black and white  
But everyone doth have the right to choose their path that he takes_

_--- "The Thin Line between Love and Hate" by Iron Maiden_

--------------------

"Hyuuga," Temari greeted as he walked in to the resident locker room and saw Neji sitting on the floor in front of his locker. "Glad I can find you. I was told to… Are you okay?"

Neji looked up from where he was drowning himself in angst. "I'm fine. Just tired. What is it?"

"Here," the Chief held out a piece of black fabric dotted with neon orange and neon green. "The higher-ups said you'll be wearing this from now on."

Taking the proffered item from Temari's hand, Neji had to blink several times to accept the fact that yes, he was holding a black scrub cap with neon-colored pineapples.

Great. The black would blend with his dark hair so now, instead of having a head that looked sweetly pink and feminine, he would have a head that looked like a lit-up Christmas tree with tropical theme.

Apparently, fate wasn't a bitch. Fate was a _queen_ bitch.

-----------------------------------------

Awesome.

That was the word that rang in the heads of all ten first year residents as they looked down from the theatre above Operating Room 2, where doctor Anko Mitarashi performed a meningioma resection surgery.

Even before the surgery began, the rookies already gaped in awe when they saw all those high-tech surgical instruments that were going to be used. And even though they realized that this surgery was going to last hours, they refused to sit and chose to stand in front of the glass panel, trying to be as close as possible to the action below.

When the anesthesiologist stepped into the O.R. to put the patient under general anesthesia, their heartbeats got faster and faster because the operation was about to begin.

"How many milligrams of fentanyl, lidocaine, thiopentone sodium and succinylcholine do you think doctor Shiranui is going to use to put the patient under for that many hours without endangering her?" asked Sakura in wonder.

"I'd say… a lot," replied Ino who couldn't care less. Hell, she wanted to be a surgeon, not an anesthesiologist. Kiba snickered while the rest of them just kept quiet.

"Sakura, how do you know all those things anyway?" asked Naruto, seeing as he didn't recognize at least three substances that Sakura just mentioned.

"Read, of course. I'm so excited about this surgery and decided to do a little research," replied the pink-haired resident -- whose routine was to dodge blown kisses every morning -- as she glanced at Sasuke, hoping the Uchiha was impressed by her effort and knowledge.

He wasn't.

Naruto turned his attention back into the surgery as the neurosurgeon made a U-shaped incision and used six retractors to retract the skin flap and muscle from the skull.

"Whoa, that was wicked!" exclaimed Kiba. "Oh, look, she's going to do the craniotomy."

The female neurosurgeon placed burr holes above and below the transverse sinus before drilling the bone over the sinus and taking out the bone flap swiftly.

Once again, various exclamations of marvel were heard in the theatre. It was a wonder, really, that the ten surgeons-to-be still had the willpower to restrain themselves from pressing their faces against the glass panel.

There were more acclamations when Anko made a transverse triangular cut to remove the dura and revealed the tumor. And after this, the goth neurosurgeon and her assistant would begin the painstaking process of removing the tumor. It couldn't be done in a hurry. They would have to resect the tumor millimeter by millimeter.

Sasuke frowned as he saw the person assisting doctor Mitarashi. Although everyone down there were covered from head to toe and wore surgical masks, he could recognize those eyes anywhere.

Itachi.

Just as that thought pass, as though his older brother could tap into his brain, Itachi looked up and stared right at him. The amusement in those cold eyes was palpable, and Sasuke's hatred flared. With his intense stare, the younger Uchiha didn't miss those eyes shifted slightly, focusing on something other than him. There was a flash of interest in those eyes as their focus settled, followed by a calculating glint.

Hn.

The last person his brother stared at this way was that surfer boyfriend of his, Kisame or whatever, before they broke up. Who could've caught Itachi's attention now?

Curious, Sasuke followed that sharp gaze, trailing Itachi's line of sight. And at the end of that line, the younger Uchiha was more than surprised to find…

Naruto?

"Hn."

-----------------------------------------

Executive Producers  
penname  
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**O.R. Trivia**  
Who and from what show is dr. Doug Ross? First correct 10 answers will get free trips for two to the beautiful Nostalgia Island of the world-famous Doctors Soap archipelago! Send in your entries now!

**Next, on O.R.**  
To be written.

**A brief message from our producers:**  
We are deeply traumatized by the difficulty of writing this episode. Upcoming episodes will _not_ have detailed operation room scene.  
Thank you.


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